Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Bursting with Bulges!

Hard as it may be to believe, it's been about a year and a half since I visited the subject at hand. Celebrity bulges in movies and television continue to be highly popular to visitors here and I collect them as I go through my endless cycle of viewing so that they can be shared in one big lump. As always, the fascination for me is getting a chance to see something I may not have been supposed to see versus a fixation on the amount of what's there. But sometimes what's there is rather eye-popping nonetheless. There's a wide variety and ought to be something for everyone. And because the collection is a little unwieldy this time out, it may not be as strictly chronological as I usually attempt to do. Thanks to our cover boy for this installment, Mr. Tom Jones in concert!
Plowing ahead, we give you the rugged Mr. Robert Mitchum.
One of our favorite figure models and semi-actors, Ed Fury.
Robert Wagner and friend are on a picnic (and there's more than one basket!)
We want to clobber whoever cropped this picture of Ray Danton (from The George Raft Story, 1961) the way they did because they stopped short of his crotch, but he's so handsome, we're including it anyway.
1960s TV heartthrob Gardner McKay of Adventures in Paradise.
Tony Curtis, who offered preferred pants that threatened the flow of oxygen.
Martin Milner of Adam-12 and other shows.
This was a reader submission that I'm sharing; Roy Thinnes in The Invaders.
A friend suggested these next to of the elegant Basil Rathbone from The Mark of Zorro (1940.)
It might not be only the swords that are leaving a mark?
I always enjoy movies that feature this type of pant from the Napoleonic Era. Here we find Audrey Hepburn and then-husband Mel Ferrer in War and Peace (1956.)
Angel-faced Ricky Nelson of Rio Bravo (1959.)
Here, Ricky has sidled up to Miss Angie Dickinson between takes.
And one of them together in color. I wonder if Ange was able to rope herself some Ricky during the shoot...
Underworld favorite Hugh O'Brian in chaps for Africa: Texas Style (1967.)
George Kennedy in Airport (1970) during the brief scene in which he's getting romantic with his wife, but about to be called away to help rescue a snow-enmeshed plane.
A shot from the little-known film Gaily, Gaily (1969), also known as "Chicago, Chicago" (or perhaps in some circles, "Flop, Flop?")
Singing sensation (and the younger brother of The Bee Gees) Andy Gibb.
Lee Majors
Football player-turned-actor (on Hill St. Blues and other shows) Ed Marinaro.
The faux Dukes of Hazzard, Christopher Mayer and Byron Cherry, brought in for 19 episodes as a way to leverage a contract negotiation with the series' leads. Looks to me like having brown and blond hair were not the only qualification an actor had to have in order to fill Tom Wopat and John Schneider's, um, parts...!
And now a few of my own compilations, starting with Clark Gable in 1931's The Finger Points.
I don't think the finger was the only thing pointing!
John Ireland became one good reason to watch 1949's All the King's Men, an Oscar-winner for Best Picture.
Baggy pants can take on new interest when the wearer puts his hands in his pockets.
1962's Phaedra, with Anthony Perkins. I have no explanation why the quality of some of these shots are so poor. But you get the idea and at least know where to look if you find yourself watching this film yourself!
Dearly departed Burt Reynolds in one of his best movies, The Longest Yard (1974.)
This hilariously gaudy catalog features some really out there fashions for men.
And I feel like the dark-haired model could well be Mr. Jack Scalia in his early modeling days...
Loungewear to cuddle in...
And swimwear that is dangerous when wet!
I'm pretty sure it's Jack.
Back to some more movie compilations. Here we see Victor Henry in the 1969 film All Neat in Black Stockings.
He has a rather prolonged sequence in which he wears nothing but some tighty-whitey briefs.
This moment in the film served as the movie's poster, but - bizarrely - the artwork gave him briefs with more coverage and replaced the man shown in bed with an entirely different actor from the film! (And also put the robed actress in less clothing, natch!)
The camera got mighty close to Henry as he ascended the stairs with a breakfast tray.
This next movie was a real trip. Filmed in 1975 as "Deadly Games," it hardly saw the light of day until 1981 when it came out on video as Lady Street Fighter.
The title figure, Renee Harmon, comes upon a shady character who wears some groovy (and revealing) patchwork denim jeans.
In the same (deliriously awful) movie, Jody McCrea - once of the Beach Party flicks - is seen walking the beach with Harmon.
He doesn't dare take his jacket off and almost fits in to some trunks that look like they more likely belonged to John Ashley or Frankie Avalon!
The poor things are straining to keep from bursting...
...both at the seams and up front, too. This fiasco marked the end of McCrea's acting career, however.
A recent viewing of the brutal thriller Rituals (1977), a film similar in concept to Deliverance (1972), contains a scene of Hal Holbrook investigating a late-night occurrence in his white briefs.
The Beach Girls (1982) has handsome James Daughton going commando in some flimsy blue jeans (and even contains a brief frontal nude scene prior to skinny dipping!)
Jan-Michael Vincent played The World's Greatest Athlete (1973) opposite coach John Amos. He was a jungle boy brought to college in order to ace all the track and field events.
We get an occasional bulge during the events, but fans of Vincent's need to see it simply because he spends copious amounts of time in nothing but a loincloth.
One-time hunk, by now sadly dissipated, Rory Calhoun was still in there swinging in Mission to Glory: A True Story (1977.)
The movie, filled with once popular names, was later released on video as "The Father Kino Story," a based on fact tale with Richard Egan as the title priest.
This is a blink and you'll miss it moment from An Innocent Man (1989) starring Tom Selleck. It was filmed mere blocks from my house (though I wasn't living here at the time.)
Getting a bit soapy for a moment, these next few shots are from The Doctors. Alex Sheafe is wearing those tacky, but sometimes revealing polyester slacks that were such a hit in the '70s.
You can often see these sort of pants and suits on Charlie's Angels, a show on which Sheafe later guest-starred.
Sorry for the blurry picture, but that's the way it came through on my screen.
From the same soap, but in skin-tight jeans is one Chandler Hill Harben.
Harben went on to further daytime success on Love of Life and Texas.
Now turning our attention to some TV-movies. This one, Sole Survivor (1970), has Vince Edwards in some khaki uniform pants.
Again, the video quality is not the greatest, but you get the idea. Edwards was once a physique model in his youth.
If this ever airs again in a better quality, I'm sure these moments will be more revealing.
This TV-movie is A Cold Night's Death (1973) with Robert Culp.
Culp has a lengthy sequence in which he is roused from bed in the dead of night and goes skulking around an arctic military compound in his long johns.
He has some sort of skimpy briefs on underneath, but nevertheless manages to bore through at times. LOL
He discovers an experiment with a chimpanzee going on and reaches down to pick up the animal before brushing up next to the camera.
Again, in a crisper version, this would be even more arresting.
Now for some series TV. Bonanza usually has it's fair share of bulges, but more often from Michael Landon than, as seen here, Pernell Roberts.
Here we see Landon in a familiar pose.
And here, over Dan Blocker's shoulder, are the TV brothers side-by-side, with Roberts in the darker pants and Landon in the paler ones.
When I exposed myself to season one of Barney Miller for the first time a while back, one of the advantages was getting a look at Max Gail, seen here with Herb Edelman who would later become immortal as Bea Arthur's ex-husband on The Golden Girls.
Max is starting to live up to his name in this pair of snips.
Guess that bulge...
With that shirt it could only be Jack Lord of Hawaii 5-O on a 10th season episode of the long-running show.
More prolific and plentiful bulges could be obtained from Lord's costar James MacArthur, seen here adjudicating a surfing competition in one episode.
Amazing that viewers could get a look at this Hawaiian scenery on their 1970s television sets! LOL
No need to book me, Danno. I surrender!
A loyal reader suggested that I seek out this one. William Smith on an episode of Darren McGavin's horror series, Kolchak: The Night Stalker.
McGavin goes to interview the reluctant Smith at a construction site.
When Smith isn't ignoring him while chatting on the phone...
...he's staring him down or kicking the door shut in his face.
Practically the whole time, his legs are spread apart to the camera.
On Barnaby Jones, Mark Shera nearly always wore jeans and slacks that were incredibly tight in the seat, though his bulgery was usually modest. Something must have been rather stimulating on the set this day, though...!
He always wore very tiny, tight briefs under his pants, which makes this type of glimpse even more unusual.
In reviewing season one of Dynasty, we found Bo Hopkins helping out a drunken Al Corley (and apparently liking it a bit?!)
Way back in the day, Johnny Depp was a TV star on the teen-oriented crime show 21 Jump Street. And, as you can see, he "dressed right" in his faded jeans.
Another pose in color (I think the black and white one affords a better view.)
Apparently in this gag shot, Peter DeLuise was becoming tired of getting upstaged by Johnny's crotch?
Every so often even today one can get just a quick glimpse of a bulge on TV. This one is Diedrich Bader on the sitcom American Housewife.
Bader is perhaps best known for playing Jethro in the 1993 redux The Beverly Hillbillies.
While we're back near the present day, some compilations from movies not prior to my usual 1990 or so cutoff date! LOL In Wieners (2008), Kenan Thompson is desperately trying to sell passersby a hot dog from his wienermobile.
One cowboy customer stops his truck in the street and sidles over to buy one from the befuddled Thompson. The cowboy is played by Bill Romanowski, a former NFL football player turned part-time actor.
Romanowski devours the hot dog, but seems far more interested in Thomson's finger!
This is surely a prop bulge, but it's fun enough to include... and the often controversial Romanowski was quite game to film a scene like this.
A recent viewing of Lovelace (2013) starred Peter Sarsgaard in a procession of skintight jeans of the early-'70s era.
He's also spotted in some tiny briefs.
Rough Night (2017), one in a now long succession of gross-out comedies, has a quintet of ladies holding a bachelorette party who are entertained by a stripper played by Colton Haynes.
As part of all the macap goings on, Haynes is bonked on the head and left lying on a bed in his electric blue thong.
The movie contains a variety of close-ups on Haynes' (a former Abercrombie & Fitch model) crotch.
The 2017 redux of CHiPs could be nothing but a deplorable abomination to any true fan of the original show, but if one takes it as a stand alone property there are occasional moments of interest. Dax Shepard plays Jon while Michael Peña is Ponch.
Upon their first meeting in the police locker room, Shepard offers his hand to Peña, who is horrified by the proximity of the two while barely dressed.
Things get worse, though, when another new hire, Ryan Hansen, comes over to greet Shepard in his undies (by now, they are both down to just that.)
They don't fool with handshakes, but instead give each other a big ol' hug.
Peña can hardly believe his eyes as the two of them dive in for a brug (bro-hug!)
The camera lingers on the bottom halves of this hug, wherein their crotches bang against one another as the appalled Peña tries to avoid looking.
I try to save something yummy for last with my posts and this one, like a few others today, was a reader submission (and a damn great one!) Seen here is handsome Gary Lockwood, later one of the astronauts in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1969), but on this day a guest star on Perry Mason.
As a boxer practicing his sparring in the ring, his wholesome looks are a sight to behold all on their own.
But when he's knocked to the floor of the ring, he falls in such a way that we can peer up the leg of his abbreviated boxing shorts.
A flash of athletic supporter is visible and we cannot be certain if there is a shadow across it from the studio lights or if we're also seeing a bit of ball sack!
"You Make the Call!" Either way, it's a delicious little bit of unplanned exposure on a normally staid television series. Until next time, your friendly webmaster Poseidon!

12 comments:

Alan Scott said...

Check out the campy, B&W, sci-fi flik "12 to the Moon". The guys wear nylon jumpsuits and nothing underneath. It's sort of a trade-off, bad movie, nice scenery. :)

Gingerguy said...

Why, why, why Delilah does it seem like way less than a year since the last bulge fest? I thought this was going to be a quick scroll, but I found a lot to sink my teeth into here.
I must say impressive picnic basket on RJ Wagner, who knew?
Africa:Texas Style lol
Love groovy Burt's mod outfit,
I am flabbergasted by Lady Street Fighter, this movie came up recently and thought it was an autocorrect, error. So I looked up L.A. Streetfighter thinking no way would there be such a campy title. I stand corrected and now must see it.
The polyesters pants reminded me of the movie Zodiac from 2007. There is a scene of an actor walking toward the camera in clingy poly pants that leave nothing to the imagination. I can't remember the actor's face but remember the pants were beige.
OMG Chips! watched on a plane and it's one looooong dick joke/gay panic punchline. I can't say it's good but there is something funny about how they kept going with that theme, including inadvertent teabagging. As you can tell this post really got a rise out of me.

Skippy Devereaux said...

I was looking at the Gary Lockwood photos before I read the captions and to me, it does look like we can see part of his balls. I have to record this the next time this is on. Who knew that B&W tv in the 50's and 60's were so mesmerizing!!

A said...

Gary Lockwood for the win!

Thanks Poseidon for the fun post.

Shawn McGuire said...

Hilarious Poseidon...I laughed from the beginning to the end of this post! You’re like a truffle pig for bulges. The show Mum has a hilarious bulge scene, I think it’s season 1, episode 2 or three, the emptyheaded son walks around the house for a while in his boxer briefs with guests coming and going, all the while sporting a conspicuous convexity.

D ODay said...

We are regular Perry Mason fans, and in that episode Gary Lockwood affects a sorta Brooklyn, Tony Danzaish accent. Not very convincing, but cute as the dickens (with the emphasis on the dick). Recognize the man playing his trainer? That's Robert Armstrong, who brought King Kong to New York. William Smith also appeared on Perry Mason as a boy toy surfer. Much of the episode he is in tight shorts cut up to there. Unfortunately, we never get a look at that massive chest. I was never a fan of Robert Wagner, but just what is going on there?

Nautical Wheeler said...

Loved this post so much - it made me bulge with glee. I needed this on this frigid day in Chicago, and I will be on the lookout for bulges to send you for a future post....!

Poseidon3 said...

Alan, I've seen "12 to the Moon" and their crazy jumpsuits (though I don't think they're downright naked under them. One guy has a whole outfit including an Oxford shirt under his and you can see t-shirts, waistbands, etc... under some of the others.) I noted the movie in Ken Clark's tribute: https://neptsdepths.blogspot.com/2012/12/im-really-in-stew-over-this.html

Gingerguy, LOL about Delilah. Tom Jones was a walking bulge! There are several pics from RJ's nic and they all have him at half-mast! Must have been very tuned into nature that day... "Lady Street Fighter" is CRAZY. A total mess. The lead actress... OMG. You are right about "CHiPs!"

Skippy, I love accidentally spying things like Gary Lockwood's junk. LOL I have an "Adam-12" incident like that elsewhere on my site. And, though it wasn't sexy like theirs, there was also one with one of "Gidget's" date's dad having his trunks ride up too high when he knealt down.

Interesting, Shawn. I have no access to that show, but maybe sometime...

Thanks for the extra info, D ODay! I'd love to see William Smith's episode some time. He was such a hunky young man (and a scary older one!)

Thanks a lot, Nautical Wheeler! My eyes are always peeled for new entrants in the collection... :-)

Johnny C said...

I want to give this post an award! LOL. Can I also recommend Roddy McDowell in his Columbo episode? Also there is a ball pop in Attack of the Giant Letches, during the diving scene near the end. And the granddaddy of all ball pops is Dick Shawn in Its a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. When he is dancing with Barrie Chase. I saw this at the Cinerama theater in L.A at one of the anniversary shows. I kid you not, but Michele Lee and Laine Kazan were sitting behind me. When it happened Laine gasped and said, "that was his ball!"

D ODay said...

The DSBP (Dick Shawn ball pop) may be ogled on YouTube. It's astonishing even more didn't make an appearance.

Poseidon3 said...

Johnny, what award would I receive? The Nobel "Piece" Prize? LOL Thanks for the leads on other bits of exposure. That is fascinating that Michele Lee and Lainie Kazan were a) behind you and b) friends with one another! :-D

Unknown said...

Check out Burt Lancaster in The Swimmer.