Showing posts with label Ted Shackelford. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ted Shackelford. Show all posts

Monday, June 9, 2025

Poseidon Quickies: Bumpy Times

This is a "Quickie" because I simply don't have enough examples for it to be one of my llooonng posts devoted to that subject which draws so many readers to the Underworld. (Like bugs to a zapper! LOL) But I did stumble on enough that I could put together this mini collection. Our cover boy this time out is one Kevin Costner, who felt the need to show up a a film festival with his package out for inspection...! 

I remember back in the day when Movieline Magazine was still around, there was chatter that Costner kept trying to get full frontal shots in his movies, but that the producers and/or censors kept 86-ing the idea. (For Love of the Game, 1999, as an example reportedly had the moment filmed, but trimmed before release.)

Anyway, now that KC tends to head out in public with his corona visible, there's less wondering about what we may have missed in his 1990's movies. Ha ha!

Even a benign day of shopping can lead to a Kevin Jr sighting.

Speaking of shopping, I was watching an old ep of Knots Landing where Ted Shackelford was selling cars at Knots Landing Motors and had on some pretty snug trousers.

Shackelford is really not my type, personally, but he did set many a heart aflutter in the 1980s & '90s.

This li'l outfit lets viewers in on otherwise hidden appeal.

Here we find an episode of Bewitched, in which Elizabeth Montgomery is portraying zany Serena, Samantha's identical cousin. She enlists the singing & songwriting duo Boyce and Hart to perform a new song she's written.

Later, the guys are called upon to present the number. Bobby Hart is in the blue blouse while Tommy Boyce is wearing the fringe vest. Boyce & Hart wrote many hit pop songs in their day, chiefly for The Monkees (including my own all-time fave, "Valleri.") In the episode proper, it's not easy to see much of Boyce's clingy red pants.

This publicity shot, however, reveals - as Paul Harvey would say - the REST of the story! These gents also popped up on I Dream of Jeannie, a show similar in concept to Bewitched. Boyce is still with us today in his mid-80s, but, sadly, Hart committed suicide in 1994 at age 54 in the wake of agonizing health concerns.

It's not unusual to find John Ireland in posts that concern bulges and trouser snakes, Here, he's seen in the 1977 mess Satan's Cheerleaders wherein the raising of his arms reveals the outline of his third leg. 

On the subject of "It's Not Unusual," I give you Tom Jones in a shiny jumpsuit, during a TV special with Tony Bennett.

One doesn't typically associate these two with one another, though Jones once had his own TV series which paired him with a variety of other vocalists (and was also the source of some other bulge sightings.)

After finding the prior photo of this meet-up, I discovered this closer-cropped, somewhat clearer/sharper version, which is, uh, more detailed...

In later years, Tom wouldn't make us work so hard in order to see what was going on. LOL

While we're on the subject of music, take a gander at these ultra-tight pants belonging to Eddie Van Halen! When you look at him in the face (towards the top of the pics, if you need help!), doesn't he resemble his wife not long after this, Valerie Bertinelli??!

Here's another personage from the music biz. Recognize the young Ozzy Osbourne!?

I recently heard from a devoted reader who suggested two personalities for me to explore. One of them was the man shown above, singer-songwriter Andy Kim.

Kim was the vocalist behind the 1974 #1 hit "Rock Me Gently" and a number of other songs

Though there is scant evidence to be found, Kim was often seen in skin-tight pants, including this blurry filmed performance of "Gently." He rocked his pelvis back and forth in virtually all of his performances, no matter the song!

The Canadian (of Lebanese descent) also co-wrote and sang on The Archies' "Sugar, Sugar." 

The other example recommended to me is this man, Buster Jones, who served as the host of a music performance program called Soul Unlimited. Amongs the mic cord and the long strings of his jacket, one can still make up the details under his white trousers.

Here's a slightly closer look. Soul Unlimited was a Dick Clark production devised as a Black version of American Bandstand and an alternative to Soul Train, though it proved short-lived.

In the "Bet you didn't know" department, Jones was the voice of Black Vulcan, a member of The Super Friends beginning in 1977 when the producers wanted to diversify the heroes predominantly found on the series. Vulcan had a reasonable bulge, nothing like his voice portrayer! Ha ha!

Time to take a quick dip. This is French superstar Jean-Paul Belmondo, keeping the rudder in line.

During the desert location filming (which took several months!) of There was a Crooked Man (1970), the crew kept adding various accoutrements to Kirk Douglas' trailer, with some of the items including a fountain, a picket fence, a mailbox, signage and so on as a growing joke. Douglas enjoyed sunbathing on the makeshift lawn and also turned the situation into a photo op.

Rounding third and headed for home, I give you young Dack Rambo in a shot from his brief western TV series Dirty Sally. That's Jackie Coogan (Uncle Fester of The Addams Family) on the right.

Here's a closer look at the often bulging Rambo.

Y'all know we have a thing for Chad Everett in his iconic role of Dr. Joe Gannon of Medical Center.

For unknown reasons, the previously pristine DVDs for that show suddenly went to grainy, faded, inferior copies when it came to season six. This pissed me off!

Everett on duty usually wore a jacket and tie (when not in those delicious scrubs), but when off duty, he often slid into hilarious mod get-ups, some of which were very snug.

Seen here catching up to departing patient Joan Van Ark, the pants on this outfit were quite off the chain and the sunlight went looking for a sundial on his crotch area!


The notion that the DVD manufacturers would present downgraded source material at a time when we really want a sharp picture in enraging! But Everett's hidden talents shine through in any case...

Finally, we come to Robert Conrad of Black Sheep Squadron. The WWII series is hilariously infamous in that all the US Marines wear baggy uniforms and flight suits while Conrad's is painted on! It may have been so tight that he couldn't begin to fasten the built-in belt (or perhaps he just didn't want it in the way of his bouncing balls.)

One happy bonus of tuning in to this show is the possibility of laying eyes on a hunky extra or supporting player like this guy in blue!

You can see the assorted crew here, but the sight of Conrad, posing in his strenuously snug flight suit at every opportunity, keeps most of the focus.

You'd need an abacus (or a Texas Instruments pocket calculator) to determine the number of times during this reasonably brief series that Conrad was seen walking towards the camera in his onesie.

Then he'd land in a spot and pose the torso in a way to extend the line of his compact physique.

You know we also enjoy a well-placed beer bottle around here, too. If the burly blond in back seems slightly familiar, that's Dirk Blocker, whose father Dan Blocker was Hoss on Bonanza.

And with that I'm bottling up this post till next time!

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Guest Who: Gary & Val... IN S-P-A-C-E!

Of all the prime-time soaps that flourished during the 1980s, Knots Landing held on the longest before cancellation. It's parent series Dallas ran for 14 seasons (and 357 episodes, making it the more prolific in terms of hours) before ending in 1991, but Knots also ran for 14 seasons and aired until 1993 with 344 episodes in all. At the center of the series from the beginning were Ted Shackelford and Joan Van Ark as Gary and Valene Ewing.

Gary was the black sheep of his oil-rich Texas family and had been estranged from the rest of the Ewings for years after having married Valene and had a daughter, Lucy (who lived at Southfork and was being raised by her grandparents.) Val had also been persona non grata to the rest of the Ewings, but after a time Lucy got her parents back together and Gary's mother, Miss Ellie, bought them a house in California where they could begin life anew. (Strangely, though she did appear as a one-time guest, Charlene Tilton's Lucy remained in Texas on Dallas and didn't join the spin-off as had once been the plan!)

Needless to say, it wasn't long before a new series of problems plagued the temporarily happy couple. As they attempted to readjust to life together after years apart, as well as grapple with Gary's drinking problem, a new neighbor in the form of Abby Cunningham (played by the inimitable Donna Mills) came between them, eventually winning Gary for herself! But she didn't win him forever. The saga of Gary and Val became a theme throughout the show's run, with their looks (particularly hers) varying through the years.

As the series went along, the cast grew (and grew!) and many changes took place. Shackelford remained with the show for its entire run and Van Ark for 13 of the 14 seasons. Costar Michele Lee emerged as the most durable star of the show, appearing in every single episode of the show from start to finish and in time winning a certain amount of prominence over Van Ark. Nevertheless, this was good, steady work for any actor and Shackelford was smart to stick with it. It almost hadn't happened at all!

At the very start of Dallas' second season, Gary appeared in the form of actor David Ackroyd in a two-part episode. He was established as a troubled outsider with alcoholism and failure in his background. The apple of his mama's eye (and the bane of elder brother J.R.), he simply couldn't exist in the heady atmosphere of Southfork. When the spin-off was being launched (which, in an "it can only happen in Hollywood" twist had actually been created first! The network asked for the creators to come up with Dallas after reading about The Ewings in the Knots Landing treatment!), Ackroyd wasn't available to take part in it.

That brings us - finally - to the reason for this post. Producers were searching for a new Gary Ewing and at the prompting of Joan Van Ark they considered an actor who'd been on Another World for two years along with occasional prime-time series and TV-movie appearances. Even better, this actor was blond, which matched not only Van Ark's hair, but their on-screen daughter, the very blonde Charlene Tilton. Van Ark had worked with Ted Shackelford on an episode of Wonder Woman the year before. IN S-P-A-C-E!!

Early in the third season of Wonder Woman, Van Ark and Shackelford played people from Earth's future, working on a spaceship with time machine capabilities.

After a bit of discussion, it's increasingly clear (from some aggressive overacting - perhaps due to the comic book nature of the show and it's projected audience of youngsters) that Van Ark has her own ideas about the usage of the machine.

When Shackelford walks away, she doffs her voluminous cape to reveal a carefully-selected outfit that will fit right in with the year 1978. She steps into the time machine and projects herself all the way back there (with Shackelford hot on her heels a few moments after.)

As you can see, they appear in the middle of an outdoor shopping mall (purportedly in downtown Washington, D.C., but I could swear I once saw The King Family bobbing around within it during one of their musical specials, thus making its location Los Angeles?!) There isn't a soul in sight as they materialize...

...yet, in a moment of sheer hilarity, there is a significant crowd reaction showing all sorts of people crammed wall-to-wall on one side of this suddenly heavily populated shopping center. Bad business day for Gibraltar Savings & Loan and the jewelers, I guess!

Van Ark declares that she has come back to 1978 in order to make a fortune in speculations. She implies that money is no longer important in the future, so I don't know why it would matter to her so much in 1978, but anyway... She darts off to coerce a business man she's investigated into helping her schemes. Shackelford is left (in his silver space suit) without so much as a thin dime to use to call for help.)

He manages to bang that problem out and calls the IADC's Diana Prince (secret identity of Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman, though he doesn't know that.) After an attempt is made on his life, she takes him home and (apparently) offers him a shower. WHO on earth was ever as stunning as Lynda Carter during this period in her career? Those lips, those eyes...
Anyway, she makes up some BLT sandwiches and we get to see Shackelford without the outer covering of his spacesuit. Look carefully at these shots and you'll see quite a bit of Ted Jr! You know, you could drag me to more of these omnipresent superhero movies if spandex was still the material of choice and not pleather, plastic and whatever else they are making these dreary costumes out of now.
While Shackelford and Carter team up to thwart the evil plans of Van Ark, she is busy pairing up with businessman Allan Miller, a familiar face to '70s and '80s TV viewers for his many guest roles on top series of the day. As a matter of fact, he later showed up on seven episodes of Knots Landing as Laura Avery's (Constance McCashin) boss!

Van Ark and Carter don't even cross paths until the climax of the episode when the baddies manage to capture Shackelford and Carter, threatening to blow them up in a cavern as part of their scheme.

But this is Wonder Woman we're dealing with (who, apart from a very brief sequence near the beginning, hasn't been shown until the closing minutes of this episode!), so before long Van Ark is being roped in and sent packing, back to the future.

Gary and Val, sorry, Adam and Cassandra, head to their own time period again, though Shackelford does send back the handcuffs he'd borrowed for use on Van Ark as well as a letter addressed to Carter, with a slight romantic tinge to it. (She clearly makes a mean BLT!)

One other guest tidbit that might please fans of The Poseidon Adventure: Ernie Orsatti pops up briefly as a paid bad guy.  Orsatti was a stuntman-turned-actor who played Pamela Sue Martin's New Year's Eve date in Poseidon and who made that spectacular fall into the light fixture just after the ship capsized completely.

As I say, Shackelford was still near the dawn of his acting career at this point with Another World being the principle gig, though he'd actually shown up in a season two episode of Wonder Woman the year before this, playing a Vietnam veteran turned cabbie who helps out our heroine. When Knots ended in 1993, he worked in various TV-movies and series, including the prime-time soap Savannah. In 2006 he returned to daytime TV with a recurring (and duel) role on The Young and the Restless, which he continued with until 2015. I'd be lying if I said he was anything like my type, but he did manage to get some hearts going in his day.

Van Ark (three years his senior) had begun her own screen career far earlier as a pretty guest star on mid-'60s TV series like Run for Your Life, Bonanza and even Peyton Place. She also worked in many TV-movies and as a guest on other shows in the wake of Knots. Ironically, she put in some time on The Young and the Restless, too, shortly before Shackelford came on board. She still acts occasionally. The recipient of significant amounts of cosmetic surgery, this has no doubt limited the projects she is right for even if she believed that submitting to it would increase her options...

Both stars returned for the 1997 two-part reunion movie, Knots Landing: Back to the Cul-de-Sac. It was a bit premature for a reunion - only four years had passed - and the series had already ended with no cliffhangers, but the show's popularity hadn't really waned, so the special was a ratings winner. (Knots had been cancelled, more than anything, for budgetary reasons.)

An unscripted cast recollection show, Knots Landing: Together Again came in 2005, with Shackelford and Van Ark's latest face shown here. The rest of the cast from that is seen below.
That was still not the end, however! A new rendition of Dallas hit the airwaves in 2012 and was remarkably successful for a time. It focused on the next generation of Ewings, but managed to nab several of the original stars to help bring continuity and nostalgia to the proceedings. It might have continued even longer had not Larry Hagman passed away (and with him his legendary character of J.R.) The character's funeral brought back several past cast members, among them Shackelford and Van Ark, who were given one final sequence as Gary and Val, with daughter Lucy.
The moral of the story is that we never know when one thing will lead to another. Shackelford's decision to work a second time on Wonder Woman snowballed into a career-changing role on a long-running series, engendered a huge following of fans in the process. Gary and Val emerged as one of TV's enduring couples, but it all started in a way just before Knots Landing...                IN S-P-A-C-E! (LOL! You just have to say it like one of those old announcers....)