Poseidon Quickies: Bumpy Times

This is a "Quickie" because I simply don't have enough examples for it to be one of my llooonng posts devoted to that subject which draws so many readers to the Underworld. (Like bugs to a zapper! LOL) But I did stumble on enough that I could put together this mini collection. Our cover boy this time out is one Kevin Costner, who felt the need to show up a a film festival with his package out for inspection...! 

I remember back in the day when Movieline Magazine was still around, there was chatter that Costner kept trying to get full frontal shots in his movies, but that the producers and/or censors kept 86-ing the idea. (For Love of the Game, 1999, as an example reportedly had the moment filmed, but trimmed before release.)

Anyway, now that KC tends to head out in public with his corona visible, there's less wondering about what we may have missed in his 1990's movies. Ha ha!

Even a benign day of shopping can lead to a Kevin Jr sighting.

Speaking of shopping, I was watching an old ep of Knots Landing where Ted Shackelford was selling cars at Knots Landing Motors and had on some pretty snug trousers.

Shackelford is really not my type, personally, but he did set many a heart aflutter in the 1980s & '90s.

This li'l outfit lets viewers in on otherwise hidden appeal.

Here we find an episode of Bewitched, in which Elizabeth Montgomery is portraying zany Serena, Samantha's identical cousin. She enlists the singing & songwriting duo Boyce and Hart to perform a new song she's written.

Later, the guys are called upon to present the number. Bobby Hart is in the blue blouse while Tommy Boyce is wearing the fringe vest. Boyce & Hart wrote many hit pop songs in their day, chiefly for The Monkees (including my own all-time fave, "Valleri.") In the episode proper, it's not easy to see much of Boyce's clingy red pants.

This publicity shot, however, reveals - as Paul Harvey would say - the REST of the story! These gents also popped up on I Dream of Jeannie, a show similar in concept to Bewitched. Boyce is still with us today in his mid-80s, but, sadly, Hart committed suicide in 1994 at age 54 in the wake of agonizing health concerns.

It's not unusual to find John Ireland in posts that concern bulges and trouser snakes, Here, he's seen in the 1977 mess Satan's Cheerleaders wherein the raising of his arms reveals the outline of his third leg. 

On the subject of "It's Not Unusual," I give you Tom Jones in a shiny jumpsuit, during a TV special with Tony Bennett.

One doesn't typically associate these two with one another, though Jones once had his own TV series which paired him with a variety of other vocalists (and was also the source of some other bulge sightings.)

After finding the prior photo of this meet-up, I discovered this closer-cropped, somewhat clearer/sharper version, which is, uh, more detailed...

In later years, Tom wouldn't make us work so hard in order to see what was going on. LOL

While we're on the subject of music, take a gander at these ultra-tight pants belonging to Eddie Van Halen! When you look at him in the face (towards the top of the pics, if you need help!), doesn't he resemble his wife not long after this, Valerie Bertinelli??!

Here's another personage from the music biz. Recognize the young Ozzy Osbourne!?

I recently heard from a devoted reader who suggested two personalities for me to explore. One of them was the man shown above, singer-songwriter Andy Kim.

Kim was the vocalist behind the 1974 #1 hit "Rock Me Gently" and a number of other songs

Though there is scant evidence to be found, Kim was often seen in skin-tight pants, including this blurry filmed performance of "Gently." He rocked his pelvis back and forth in virtually all of his performances, no matter the song!

The Canadian (of Lebanese descent) also co-wrote and sang on The Archies' "Sugar, Sugar." 

The other example recommended to me is this man, Buster Jones, who served as the host of a music performance program called Soul Unlimited. Amongs the mic cord and the long strings of his jacket, one can still make up the details under his white trousers.

Here's a slightly closer look. Soul Unlimited was a Dick Clark production devised as a Black version of American Bandstand and an alternative to Soul Train, though it proved short-lived.

In the "Bet you didn't know" department, Jones was the voice of Black Vulcan, a member of The Super Friends beginning in 1977 when the producers wanted to diversify the heroes predominantly found on the series. Vulcan had a reasonable bulge, nothing like his voice portrayer! Ha ha!

Time to take a quick dip. This is French superstar Jean-Paul Belmondo, keeping the rudder in line.

During the desert location filming (which took several months!) of There was a Crooked Man (1970), the crew kept adding various accoutrements to Kirk Douglas' trailer, with some of the items including a fountain, a picket fence, a mailbox, signage and so on as a growing joke. Douglas enjoyed sunbathing on the makeshift lawn and also turned the situation into a photo op.

Rounding third and headed for home, I give you young Dack Rambo in a shot from his brief western TV series Dirty Sally. That's Jackie Coogan (Uncle Fester of The Addams Family) on the right.

Here's a closer look at the often bulging Rambo.

Y'all know we have a thing for Chad Everett in his iconic role of Dr. Joe Gannon of Medical Center.

For unknown reasons, the previously pristine DVDs for that show suddenly went to grainy, faded, inferior copies when it came to season six. This pissed me off!

Everett on duty usually wore a jacket and tie (when not in those delicious scrubs), but when off duty, he often slid into hilarious mod get-ups, some of which were very snug.

Seen here catching up to departing patient Joan Van Ark, the pants on this outfit were quite off the chain and the sunlight went looking for a sundial on his crotch area!

The notion that the DVD manufacturers would present downgraded source material at a time when we really want a sharp picture in enraging! But Everett's hidden talents shine through in any case...

Finally, we come to Robert Conrad of Black Sheep Squadron. The WWII series is hilariously infamous in that all the US Marines wear baggy uniforms and flight suits while Conrad's is painted on! It may have been so tight that he couldn't begin to fasten the built-in belt (or perhaps he just didn't want it in the way of his bouncing balls.)

One happy bonus of tuning in to this show is the possibility of laying eyes on a hunky extra or supporting player like this guy in blue!

You can see the assorted crew here, but the sight of Conrad, posing in his strenuously snug flight suit at every opportunity, keeps most of the focus.

You'd need an abacus (or a Texas Instruments pocket calculator) to determine the number of times during this reasonably brief series that Conrad was seen walking towards the camera in his onesie.

Then he'd land in a spot and pose the torso in a way to extend the line of his compact physique.

You know we also enjoy a well-placed beer bottle around here, too. If the burly blond in back seems slightly familiar, that's Dirk Blocker, whose father Dan Blocker was Hoss on Bonanza.

And with that I'm bottling up this post till next time!