A Little Camping Trip

Want to get away from it all for a few minutes? Then let's go camping! No... not with tents and Coleman lanterns. We're gonna camp it up a little bit with some pictures that were mostly intended to be very arresting, but instead are found guilty of sending us into fits of chuckling. We've been down this road before here, here and here, if you find that this is your thing and you want more of the same! Our unusually-styled cover girl today is Marguerite Chapman, one of the performers who provided an anecdote in our recent post about movie turkeys.

Speaking of unusual styling, Miss Anne Francis has really gone to the birds in this promotional photo for the sci-fi classic Forbidden Planet.

A fun photo-op of two '60s teen stars who didn't ever really work together, Troy Donahue and Deborah Walley.

Ladies and gentlemen, Barbra Streisand in A Star is Born... er, I mean, Raquel Welch.

Here Ms. Welch is all washed up during a shoot that was presumably intended to be more serene than this!

Oh, me... speaking of washing up... This presumably real portrait of none other than our beloved Miss Olivia de Havilland enjoying a dip in the spa is quite an eye-opener. Sorry I neglected to warn you ahead of time.

Speaking of warnings, someone ought to have let this poor dear know that deranged Roddy McDowall was about to do some serious pruning in Shock Treatment!

During my recent post on suggestive pairs, there were a couple of pics that could have been added to the mix, but I had them filed away under camp and didn't catch them. No, this was not a 1930s version of the Will Ferrell comedy Blades of Glory. It's a shot of Jimmy Stewart and Lew Ayres (two legendary figure skaters - not!) in their costumes for Ice Follies of 1939!

There seems to be a fine line between love and hate in this shot of Tom Keene and Buster Crabbe in the 1936 western Drift Fence. (Keene later ended his movie career with a role in the infamously heinous Plan 9 From Outer Space.)

No butts about it in this promo photo for Crossfire. The hook here is that all three of the leading men were named Robert. Young, Mitchum and Ryan. Note the ass-ending ascending order of amusement at the pose from left to right!

One rarely hears of Stephen Boyd and Charlton Heston having loads of fun with one another on the set of the much-heralded epic Ben-Hur. Boyd and director William Wyler had a bit of a secret pact in which Boyd played his role as if he and Heston had once been lovers, but they kept this from the straight-laced Heston.

These pictures rather cloud the issue as to who was on top during the imaginary relationship, but maybe it was mutually rewarding?

It took everything I had not to caption this photo: "Humpy Lee Majors straddles a slim, hairy ass." Oops! Looks like I just did it anyway!

In another hairy situation, we have 1946's The White Gorilla, billed as "The Greatest Wild Animal Picture Ever Made" (even though you've probably never even heard of it!) Another chuckle comes with the blurb, "Ray Corrigan * Lorraine Miller and an All-Star Cast" although it's likely that you never heard of them or any of their costars either! (I will grant you that Ray Corrigan is substantially better known as "Crash" Corrigan, but really? An "All-Star Cast?") By the way, he plays the male lead AND the title character in this!

I'm sure that Gil Gerard, as Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, is merely acknowledging his little robot pal Twiki, but sicker minds may feel that he is about to force the poor devil into some "surprise oral!" Perhaps with a little tinkering/reprogramming?

One full decade before his career-resuscitating role in Airplane!, Lloyd Bridges played the manager of San Francisco International Airport, a short-lived 1970 series that took its cue from the smash-hit 1970 movie Airport.

In 1983, Dallas attempted to sex itself up on the male end with Christopher Atkins (of The Blue Lagoon.) Here, the twenty-two year-old is snuggled up with Linda Gray and Victoria Principal (with whom he had virtually no contact in the series.)

Cast as Gray's preteen son's swimming teacher, Atkins was soon teaching Gray (twenty-one years his senior) a few strokes, too!

While the cougar-ish story line scored one for equal rights (as men had long been shown canoodling with pert young ladies), there was something icky about the pairing, perhaps because Atkin's Lagoon lustre had already worn thin after The Pirate Movie and A Night in Heaven and his baby-ish face really did make him seem like Gray's son rather than passionate lover.

Really, almost any frame of film from The Village People's cinematic opus Can't Stop the Music might serve as camp, this one certainly does the trick, with Construction Worker David Hodo catching a heel from a female dancer...

What on earth is tackier or more campy than this hilarious promotional shot for the 1984 TV-movie City Killer? In it, Heather Locklear is stalked by an ex-boyfriend who demands that she get back together with him or else he will destroy buildings in their city while people are still inside! Gerald McRaney was a police psychologist assigned to help her (but compelled also to bed her!) The project blended a makeshift story with real footage of imploding, deserted buildings, something that isn't usually achieved by one man setting all the charges himself while the place it still open!

And now we take a brief turn right into the Susan Anton Wing. The statuesque pageant-honed songbird and actress was all primed for big screen success in 1979's Goldengirl until the U.S. pulled out of the 1980 Olympics, leaving the already science-fictiony story in the lurch since the movie depicted American athletes performing in said games.

Here, our girls twirls and whirls in a pleated chiffon gown during promotion for her short-lived variety show Presenting Susan Anton.

Less is left to the imagination by the time of this slinky shot.

And finally a terrible fall and hip dysplasia took their toll... okay, I'm only kidding about that. We still love her, even though in some circles she was more famous for dating a married Sylvester Stallone and the 8-1/2" shorter Dudley Moore!

More lame-o variety show promotion, courtesy of Leif Garrett, as we turn left and enter his wing of the exhibit. He looks rather out of it here.

The guy was white-hot for a time for reasons I never understood. Even now, I just can't quite see what all the fuss was about!

How utterly bored and miserable (not to mention vacant) does Brooke Shields look in this snap from the 1979 special Leif?

Did you know that Garrett and later resident of Knots Landing (and also of Desperate Housewives) Nicolette Sheridan were once live-ins? FYI - Sheridan was recently announced as the new Alexis Carrington on the Dynasty redux (a show I have yet to watch so much as a frame of...)

Things were looking a little rough by the time of this shot, though it's remarkable that Garrett didn't beat out Eric Stoltz for the co-starring role in Cher's 1985 movie Mask.

We close with a detour to the final room of our exhibit belonging to this gal. Recognize her?

It's TV's legendary funny lady Miss Lucille Ball, all Mod-ed up for her 1966 TV special Lucy in London.

I've never seen this, but it might be interesting to witness what sort of hip dance moves Ms. Ball was providing eight years prior to Mame, in which we hoped aloud that her hips COULD move...!

At the very least, she supplied us for some hooty shots with which to end this camping trip.

BONUS PIC:

Have y'all ever seen these? They're behind the scenes shots of Lucille Ball in the season two opener of The Lucy Show, "Lucy Plays Cleopatra." I thought they were pretty fascinating. Incidentally, it was the season three opening in which the stars of Cleopatra appeared on The Lucy Show in the episode "Lucy Meets The Burtons." Till next time!

Fun Finds: Shake Your Head, Darling

Oh, trust me. We did shake our heads! We may have even rolled our eyes a little. Knowing how much we adore anything campy and/or tacky in The Underworld, one of our regular readers saw fit to send me as a birthday present, this delicious self-help book "Shake Your Head, Darling" published in 1982 by celebrity hairstylist Jose Eber. (As Mr. Eber points out in the earliest part of the book, it's "Joe-zey" not "Hoe-say" because he is French.) The book has a 20-Question quiz whose answers determine if you are a Life-Style Red, Life-Style Green or Life-Style Blue. (Reds are super busy, Greens work for a living and Blues are lazy bums and/or trophy wives. LOL!) What follows are most of the photos contained in the book, generally a two-shot of Eber with his celebrity pal and then one of the celeb in a posed portrait. We were happy to see four members of our (self-imagined) Disaster Movie Club along with two honorary members (thanks to The Big Bus, 1976) and other assorted friends. Each two-shot has text written by the lady in question, often revealing and interesting. Let get shaking! First up, the Life-Style Reds:

Channing's questionnaire had personal remarks written across all but two of the answers! God only knows how he arrived at any determination of her Life-Style.

Not too much to shake, here. The third sentence of her text made me snort!

Ms. Fawcett was probably one of the celebrities most associated with Eber.

She's the only one who ranked a second portrait in the book. What about this look?! I don't believe one was used in this case, but this sort of style was (semi)achieved all over the nation with the aid of "banana clips" if you remember those... A lady at work still has one and uses it and I always tell her that The Smithsonian is still waiting for her to donate it to them!  LOL

Marshall's text is hilarious and unsurprising, considering how glamour-proof she's always seemed.

This might be the most glam picture ever taken of (the now ballcap-wearing) Marshall!

Wow. Whole lotta shakin' goin' on!

Ms. Ross starred in The Swarm (1978.)

Next we examine the Life-Style Green ladies. What fun to see Sandra Dee included!

Ms. Principal co-starred in Earthquake (1974) and is no stranger to celebrity self-help books!

Ms. Sinatra didn't write her own text like most of the other participants. I have never really understood what she did for a living! LOL There were a smattering of acting gigs and a producing job or two surrounding her father, but I can never zero in on why she's famous. The book says she "needs a hairdo that is easy to take care of, because she is so busy." ??

Too busy to smile?

Ms. Vaccaro starred in Airport '77 (1977.)

I love her expression in this photo!

Ms. Walters is the sole participant who did not take a photo WITH Eber (thus denying him another opportunity to eye-fuck the camera - Ha!) She didn't take the quiz or write any text either. Frankly, I think this photo looks a tad ridiculous.

Ms. Warren knew a thing or two about hairstyles, having once been the wife of famed snipper-turned-producer Jon Peters.

Now the Life-Style Blues, starting with exotic Barbara Carrera, who co-starred in When Time Ran Out (1980.)

Carrera was so elegant and mysterious, but I truly doubt that she ever shook her head (darling) at any point in this photo shoot!

Johnny Carson's third wife shook him down for about $20 million if you asked him! In one of those "you can't make this shit up" moments, Johnny married a Joan, then a Joanne, then a Joanna! His final, successful marriage was to an Alexis.

Another of Eber's clients who was closely associated with him and arguably THE most famous of the lot was Cher. But the biggest shock is that she was considered a "Life-Style Blue!" She was clearly busy as hell at all times if she needed a haircut at 1:00am.

Dallas' Linda Gray is one of those people who always seems to be greatly enjoying having her portrait taken. Her enthusiasm always shows through.

I love this photo of Gray! She did eventually cut her hair fairly short on the show, but grew it back out over time. Gray is the only famous actress I've ever seen completely naked in person! (LOL It was during her tour in the stage play "The Graduate.")

This is also a really neat portrait of Ms. McCoo of The Fifth Dimension (and, to my generation, the host of Solid Gold!)

I think this book just bounced off the camp-o-meter with the combination of Eber and Zadora!

I've actually seen Family Dollar cashiers who still sport this exact same hairstyle more than three decades hence!

Be sure to look at this back cover more closely as the photos are different from the ones inside (and thanks to the heavy 1980s makeup, far more garish looking in color!)