Are You Ready to Get "Naked?"

If I'm ever able to retire from my job, I intend to write a book (at least one!) and I already have the title of it and the subject matter. (Trouble is, I've examined that subject in an in-depth manner here to the point where a book is hardly necessary! Though at least the info would be collected together.) The subject I'm referring to is that of one-time cinema goddesses becoming involved in shocker films in their later career. "Hag Horror" and the like, if you will. I enjoy getting to see ones that I hadn't seen previously and today's was quite a loo-loo. The Naked Zoo (1970) was filmed in Florida on a low budget by William Grefé, known for drive-in style exploitation fare. (Note how the new-ish term psychedelic is misspelled on the film's poster!)

Miss Rita Hayworth, known far and wide as "The Love Goddess" had been a major star of the 1940s and '50s and was the object of affection for countless G.I.s during WWII. Some people are still scratching their heads as to just how she wound up in a picture like this one, though she certainly wasn't alone in this trend.

The movie begins with the insatiable loverboy/gigolo Stephen Oliver rolling around in the sack with a woman. 

An unexpected knock at the door signals the arrival of the woman's husband, causing Oliver to bolt out of bed and attempt to retrieve his clothing.

The woman begins to panic as he scrambles under the bed and all over the room, attempting to find the match to his $58 Italian leather shoes. 

Perhaps I am assuming too much, but I couldn't help wondering if the use of this markedly older, not exactly stunning actress was a way of softening the blow for Hayworth's arrival in the movie, ensuring that she'd look great by comparison. 

He returns to his far-out apartment, equipped with a gold-wrapped mannequin, but minus one shoe and also missing one jade cufflink. The movie in its current state has a peculiar aspect in that one minute the color is vivid and the picture is in great clarity, then without warning it turns faded and less sharp, as seen here!

For example, this is the same shirt as shown above...! In his apartment is a young lady who parades around in just panties before slipping into this minidress. The two decide to get high, which isn't hard to do since she has a joint tucked into the hem of her underwear, as one does...! 

So off they head to the bedroom. There is a mind-blowing amount of pot-smoking and lovemaking in this movie. None of the latter particularly graphic... just constant.  

Even though Oliver can't make it five minutes without bedding a woman, there are nude and semi-nude male statuettes dotting his decor. So make of that what you like. 

His actual occupation is writing novels, though he's tired of penning commercial action stories and yearns to compose something more meaningful. As he's having his feet worked on, he pleads with his literary agent to allow him to write a new sort of book. 

Veteran comedian Joe E. Ross literally phones in his one scene as said agent. 

Once that conversation is over, the phone rings again. It's a woman...

This woman -- Miss Hayworth!

She's a wealthy wife, married to a man in a wheelchair, who wants Oliver to come over and pay a visit. ASAP. 

He tells her it will be a couple of hours as he has something to take care of first...!

Hayworth flounces to the door when he finally arrives. 

In a frock curated from Big Bird's Burger King collection, she can hide her elation over his being there. 

As one might expect, she's shot with a moderate filter and generally looks good (though she was only 51!) Some angles flatter her more than others. 

Finally, she gets a taste of what she was after and I couldn't help but marvel that Oliver clearly tried to give her some tongue! I don't know if she allowed it or not. Her movie era was generally of the closed-mouth variety.

Just like that, the film quality changes and now her dress no longer appears bright yellow! As he passes her some marijuana, they continue to get more comfortable. Until...

...her husband cruises in! The pair break apart abruptly. 

Her husband is played by veteran actor Ford Rainey, ten years her senior. (Remember him as Lee Majors' stepfather on The Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman?) He and Oliver discuss the author's forthcoming book. 

Hayworth is bored by their chit-chat and sits making a variety of faces. 

She finally implores Rainey to give it a rest as they prepare for dinner. 

I asked AI to color correct the above still and it couldn't come up with that lemon yellow for her dress. It came out cream instead. 

The uneasy trio settles in for a candlelight supper. 

This affords Hayworth to don her third costume for the same evening! Here it comes off black and gold. 

But as she and Oliver take a walk (and more) outside, it reads black and silver... 

Oliver, who is surrounded by wackos, attends a party in a rundown house. 

On hand here and at other such get-togethers, there's a butch lesbian who always has her eye on some young cutie. 

With little warning, presumably thanks to drugs, Oliver becomes enraged and starts to abuse one of the partygoers. 

Then he writhes around on the floor, hurling wooden furniture into a pile and setting it on fire inside the house! A few of his pals follow suit. 

Before exiting, he lands upon yet another chick and starts to get familiar with her. Even though his character could scarcely get more repellent, there is seemingly no female in sight who doesn't want him instantly. 

We see him heading into the Greater Miami Federal Savings and Loan where he's disgruntled over a check bouncing. 

Fans of "mod" hair and clothing can't afford to miss seeing this for all the extras who appear dressed this way. 

He makes his way to Hayworth's house...

...where she is reluctant to have him in. 

You see, it was a check from her that failed to clear at the bank. 

She manages to calm him down and reassure him, however.

Even though it is done constantly on screen and stage, I have never understood the desire to dress redheads in pink. And this dress (by Party City?) is quite... something. 

They begin returning to familiar territory until...

...Rainey zips in once again! 

Oliver can only grin at the situation, though Hayworth is rather panicked. 

As well she should be! This time Rainey has a gun and he begins shooting up the place. 

He zig-zags around the room firing away with his revolver. 

Rita hides behind the couch, occasionally poking her head out to scream. 

Meanwhile, Oliver goes bounding and tumbling all over like something out of Ringling Brothers. 

By the time all is said and done, there are only two people left in the room breathing. 

A depleted Oliver is next seen back home half asleep at his typewriter.

His previous squeeze is nowhere in sight and now his latest pickup from the party, Fleurette Carter, is installed. 

Carter, whose career really only extended to movies much like this one, was in my opinion, truly lovely and deserved more of a career than she wound up with. 

With Carter on hand or not, there are bills to pay, so he's back on the job, bedding down another older woman. 

This one is played by Fay Spain, who'd been in a variety of 1950s and '60s films. 

Cast here as a clinging, rather desperate wacko, she (like most every female) can barely keep her hands off of Oliver. He agrees to have her over to his place for the latest in a never-ending string of crazy parties. 

While Spain is picking out what she'll wear to the happening, Oliver places a call to Hayworth to harass her over the events with her husband.  

Seeming to suffer from a heart condition, she has trouble catching her breath and has to put the phone down and swallow some medicine. 

Spain manages to concoct a preposterous getup in anticipation of her big night. 

He brings her over to his pad, whose mod decor and trappings gets her all atwitter. 

He heads into the kitchen where a bemused Carter wonders who on earth he's dragged home. 

While Spain is grappling with the record player, Oliver reassures Carter where his true feelings lie.

Spain is startled to see Carter standing behind them, mentioning to him that "she looks like a negro." (!!)

He takes it a bit further referring to Carter as his maid before embarking on a plan to thoroughly humiliate Spain. 

He plies her with pot and spikes her drink with LSD. 

Soon enough, Spain is off her nut, dancing wildly and spasming around the room. 

Carter and Oliver look on with a mixture of shock, horror and amusement. 

As Spain trips out, she begins grimacing and mugging mercilessly, appearing like the fourth runner up in a Phyllis Diller lookalike contest. 

As the camera keeps zeroing in on her behind, she wallows around on the floor before finally passing out in a face-plant.

Sometime later, having not moved since, a freakout has begun all around her!

Oliver, who in this movie can have literally any woman he wishes, takes the date of a partygoer away. 

They head into his candlelit bedroom/den of iniquity.

This being the era (and the crowd of) free love, Carter isn't phased at all. She even covers for him as he's giving the other lady his version of hospitality. 

Spain, however, is put through a meat-grinder of hallucinations as she continues to trip out.  

The next morning, a groggy Oliver is awakened by Carter with coffee and a cigarette. 

As he's splashing cold water on his face to awaken, she tells him that Hayworth called for him and intends to call back again. 

Just then the phone rings and he emerges from the bathroom to answer it. 

It's Hayworth, insisting that he come to her place immediately. 

She's playing a sort of cat and mouse game with him, implying that though her husband's death was ruled an accident, he might still be implicated. 

Later at her place, he discovers that she's on heart medication.

She keeps hinting that the police might still find out about his presence the night of Rainey's demise, the implication being that he needs to remain her sexual plaything... or else.

He's every female's plaything, so that's not necessarily the problem. But blackmail is no fun. 

He offers her a "happy pill," even taking one himself, but she initially refuses. 

Then she does finally take one and begins to get trippy. 

While she's half-incapacitated, he begins pouring booze down her gullet. 

Then he proceeds to scare the hell out of her.

Like really! Of all the images available, this is the moment that the filmmakers used for the poster of The Naked Zoo! 

The moment also sadly presages that infamous moment in 1976 when a disheveled and confused Hayworth was escorted from a TWA flight. This was later determined to be an early symptom of what would become the scourge of her final years, Alzheimer's disease. It claimed her in 1987 at age 68. 

As the film nears its conclusion, Oliver's latest book is finally published and becomes an immediate sensation. 

Now the parties at his place are of a far more dignified nature. 

He's weaseled his way through all sorts of beds and bedlam and come out the other side on top. 

Or has he...? (Incidentally, I love this look on Carter. late-'60s hair and makeup with a chandelier necklace is my idea of style heaven!)

This film is currently being offered on Tubi, which is where I finally was able to take it in. Is it good? Uh, no. Is it fun to look at? Often. 

Fans of Miss Hayworth are likely to be a bit torn. She's attractive and completists will want to watch her work (though all her scenes were done over a two-week period.) Yet, those who love her for her glittering musicals and high-level projects may be dismayed to see her in something this cheap. Her final film came in 1972, The Wrath of God, which was no masterpiece, but was surely a step above this. 

Oliver had risen to fame on the prime-time soap Peyton Place, seen here with costar (and wife, for about 20 minutes) Lana Wood. He then went on to Bracken's World, followed by a raft of low-budget films. Having exited the screen by 1990, he died of stomach cancer in 2008 at age 66.

If anyone thinks that Rita degraded herself in this, it's Spain who really was shown to her worst advantage! True enough, she was chiefly a B-movie and television performer, but this movie left her with scarcely any dignity (thankfully, she wasn't called on to disrobe.) She was 38 (!) at the time. Lymphatic cancer claimed her in 1983 at only age 50.

Looking up longtime character actor Rainey, I came upon this pic of him (at right) with an old acting buddy of his (and a sweet pooch in-between them.) He and Ronald Bennett, the hunk on the left, were student of the Chekov method of acting. 

Based solely on their looks, I'd have expected Bennett to proceed further than Rainey, but it wasn't the case. Rainey married at 46 and fathered three children. His screen credits were numerous and stretch from 1949 to 2003! He died in 2005 at age 96 of a stroke. 

The End!