Reunited: "The Big" "Mitchell"

Since I have developed a taste over the years for rotten movies and TV shows, some of my readers are fans of the show Mystery Science Theater 3000, in which three personalities are made a captive audience for obscure and unheralded motion pictures, providing commentary throughout. One fifth season episode featured the 1975 action flick Mitchell and was considered good enough to warrant a spot in the April 1996 VHS release of just three installments of the long-running program. Naturally, the movie earned a reputation as a steaming heap of junk, though in its defense, part of the issue was that it was heavily truncated and watered-down for MST3k and, in fact, was the TV version of the movie, not the original rendition. 

 

The "real" Mitchell had been an R-rated, theatrically-released feature with a widescreen ratio, scenes of violent action and a fair amount of time spent in the bedroom. 

Playing the title character was one Joe Don Baker, a Texas-born actor who'd kicked around on television and in small movie roles before breaking out with 1973's Walking Tall, an unexpected smash hit of its day. (Made for $500,000, it took in $40 million at the box office!) The 6'2" actor had always put forth a strong image on screen, but by 1975 he'd become brawnier and huskier than before, something the MST3K performers zeroed in on during their remarks. (Later, they were wary when they found out that Baker had been less than pleased with their take on the movie!)

At one point in the film, Baker answers his apartment door to find this lady on the other side. 

The gal in question is Miss Linda Evans, freshly attempting to revive her acting career in the wake of her 1973 split with John Derek. 

As it turns out, Evans is a $1,000/night call girl (in 1975 dollars!) who's been hired to provide Baker with some action (and distraction?) 

Evans character has a rather pronounced interest in Baker's collection of Playboy magazines, asking him how she stands up to the centerfolds within. (Evans had actually appeared in the magazine in 1971, at the behest of and photographed by her then husband Derek.)

Even in the afterglow of their tryst, while Baker is giving her feet the once-over, she still can't quit thumbing through Playboy!

Baker, looking for clues as to why she's on hand, empties her purse and finds a bag of marijuana, then still a crime. 

In one of two discreet "nude" scenes, Evans is shot from behind, allowing the faintest inkling of some side boob. (Today, the "stars" on the red carpet show all this and more.)

The next time they hook up, he's once again got his face near her feet. We're not 100% sure where her face is, but we can guess...! 

The love scenes are intercut in montage form with shots of them in various contortions. I had to laugh during MST3K when she was moving her hand all over Baker's face and one of the viewers exclaimed that he was in bed with Helen Keller! 

Here, I thought Evans very much resembled Bo Derek, the 17 year-old who took Evans place in the heart of her husband John. The Svengali-like actor-director had a type and was forever molding the women in his life to meet that ideal.

One way for actors to become better acquainted is for one to place her head in another's naked lap... Ha ha!

Although Baker doesn't mind reaping the rewards of this $1K/night gal-pal, he still can't figure out why she's there or who it was that hired her. 

Exiting his sleeper-sofa, Evans once again has a darkly-lit, partial nude scene. 

And he repeats the search of her belongings, again finding pot. This time he runs her in and has her booked for possession!

In case you're wondering, Baker doesn't have any nudity beyond what's been shown here, but almost takes a shower on screen. (One of the MST3K viewers howled, "Thank God for jump-cuts!" when the moment abrubtly ended and another scene began.)

The third time Evans finds herself at Baker's bachelor pad, she's no longer being paid. She's there because she wants to be. 

He, however slovenly he tends to keep things, is bent out of shape because she didn't do the dishes after the meal she made for herself!

In a cutesy, freeze-framed ending, he decides to run her in for marijuana possession again!

The very idea of her as a pot-smoking hooker is utterly and completely at odds with the image Evans would establish six years after this when she portrayed the virtuous Krystle Carrington on 8-1/2 seasons of Dynasty!

In their scenes together, Baker and Evans do achieve a certain level of comfort and rapport. 

And the two clearly got along well between scenes of the shooting schedule. But, you see, they weren't complete strangers. They'd once worked rather closely together before this...

Back in 1969, in what was only his ninth or tenth credited appearance on screen, Joe Don Baker had guest-starred on an episode of The Big Valley. 

He played a Modoc Native American who'd been orphaned and partly raised by The Barkley family. 

Now back in Stockton, California after having been educated at Harvard, he's reunited with childhood playmate Audra Barkley, portrayed of course by Linda Evans. Evans had affectionately followed his progress as he sought to become an attorney and recorded various milestones in a scrapbook. 

I grew up watching Evans in Big Valley reruns and, for my money, this "Barbie Goes West" was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. 

For his part, Baker was outfitted with brown contact lenses (at a time when there were only hard, often painful to the unaccustomed, glass ones!)

Evans takes Baker to an old shack where they once played as children and dubbed "Fort Barkley." 

Nostalgic as she is, the place holds bittersweet memories for him as one who was "different" and whose Modoc people are still enduring unfair treatment. 

There wouldn't be any chance in the late-1800s of romance developing between a Native American and a Caucasian lady of standing, but the two have a lifelong affection for one another in any case. Valley often used Evans as a rather progressive link between people like herself and various underdogs like Black prisoner Yaphet Kotto and alleged jinx Marty Allen. 

Things take a turn when Baker is unjustly accused of murdering a local bigot and he rebels by dressing in his father's clothes and vowing to exact revenge. 

While she cannot endorse what he's doing, she bandages his wound and tries to compel him to give himself up. Until her brother Nick and the sheriff arrive! 

Here, she and Baker engage in a brief tussle that's not unlike that freeze-frame above from the end of Mitchell!  

Unlike a lot of stories of this sort, on The Big Valley or otherwise, there's a happy ending. 

Before I go, observe this Italian poster (in which the title translates to "Kill Mister Mitchell") with an oddball rendering that has nothing to do with any scene involving Evans in the movie.

Worse, still, was this hilariously bad, mid-'80s VHS artwork, which puts Baker into a Knight Rider sort of outfit. And while Mitchell's climax does involve a helicopter, nothing like this moment occurs on screen and Evans is nowhere to be found, much less clinging on for dear life! 

While not a direct copy, it seems to have drawn inspiration to a degree from the then-recent poster for A View to a Kill (1985!)

And since, by this time, Evans had found success on Dynasty, she was suddenly elevated from 4th billing to 2nd! (She has also inherited Krystle's earrings, for her Mitchell character wears none in the movie!) And with that, I'm bailing till next time!