Friday, April 3, 2015

Hungry For Some Sir Loin?

Today's photo essay will be examining that cinematic staple of the loincloth. In some ways it will be "brief" yet in others it will "hang on" as I've been known to do! While its certainly not an inclusive collection, it contains most of the examples that have hit my own consciousness over the years along with other discoveries. See if any of them happen to be favorites of your own. Our cover boy today is the most famous movie Tarzan, Mr. Johnny Weissmuller.

It stands to reason that a post about loincloths would include plenty of Tarzan. I've touched on the topic of that character before and have also had many photos over the years of comic book covers that feature some of the actors who portrayed him. Still, there is always more water from that well, so I'll post some more today.
As I say, Weissmuller was the most prominent movie Tarzan and still is to many people.
His costume early in the series was skimpy, with just a string across the waistline until the Production Code was established, whereupon it began to cover more and more.
He and Maureen "Jane" O'Sullivan had considerable chemistry together and created some erotically charged moments in the early films that later gave way to corny, campy bits.
Weissmuller's replacement in the series was the delectable Lex Barker.
Often noted as the first blond Tarzan, Buster Crabbe had done a serial previously (looking utterly adorable) and his hair was somewhat blond, too.
None of Barker's Tarzan films were in color, but judging from comic book covers like these, he'd have been devastating!
The next Tarzan was far more heavily muscular than Barker or Weissmuller, hunky Gordon Scott.
He did get to film some of his jungle exploits in color and was successful in the role.
I love this bun-revealing publicity photo of Scott.
Handsome Mike Henry came next with a thankfully abbreviated loincloth and a trimmer, though still muscular, physique. Henry is noted as the first Tarzan with a hairy chest.
Weissmuller's introductory 1932 classic Tarzan, the Ape Man was ineptly remade in 1959 with UCLA basketball star Denny Miller as the title figure and Joanna Barnes as a bouffant Jane.
Nevertheless, the athletic Miller still looked pretty good in his loincloth, don't you think?
The franchise lay dormant after that for many years and then in 1981, John Derek directed a softporn-ish rendition of Tarzan, the Ape Man centering on his wife Bo Derek as Jane and with Miles O'Keefe as the man of the wilds.
Lord, even the poses for publicity material have a porno-ish aspect to them. (Admit it, you've seen this look before!)
A far more literate approach to the story was taken in 1984's Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, with Christopher Lambert in the title role, though that movie also had its share of issues.
How many of you recall that Johnny Sheffield (who played "Boy" in some of the Tarzan movies) later had his own series of movies as Bomba?
Made on a shoestring, with plenty of bad acting and cardboard sets, Sheffield himself was nevertheless quite appealing.
This is a young Beverly Garland acting opposite the loincloth-wearing hero.
Although his naturally curly hair is cute, for me its something about Sheffield's gentle speaking voice that is so appealing. You'd have to see him in action and here it to know what I mean.
After 1955, the moderately husky Sheffield left show business and later met with some weight gain, but was happily involved with farm, construction and real estate ventures. A fall from a ladder in 2010 led to a fatal heart attack. He was seventy-nine. 
The famous Tarzan look has popped up all over the place including this guy during the climax of Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles (1974.)
What really inspired this post in the first place is this paperback book, a tie-in to the 1973 movie of the same name. I found it while on one of my continuing searches for anything movie-oriented that I wish to save from possible oblivion!
The large print paperback, aimed at a younger audience, is riddled with photos of Jan-Michael Vincent as a boy raised in the jungle who is recruited to be a track and field star.
Any time I see a movie tie-in paperback with photos that is in good condition, I try to snatch it up (so that my heirs can just toss all of them into the street when I'm gone! LOL)
Anyway, leafing through it made me think that a tribute to the loincloth might be a fun idea for The Underworld.
Surely one of the most famous cinematic loincloths belongs to Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes (1968.)
I think all science-fiction should involve either skintight or very skimpy clothing!
He looked really good in his teensy get-up, but if you go to my tribute to James Franciscus you'll see that he looked even better in his for the sequel Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)!
Oh, what the heck. I found an extra moment of time and am feeling generous, so here is Mr. Franciscus strutting his hot stuff!
Now appearing in a skimpy loincloth was already old hat for Heston. Notably, he'd done a lengthy sequence wearing one in 1959's Ben-Hur while portraying a galley slave.
The underbelly of the boat he's in is jam-packed with all sorts of men wearing nothing but rags, loincloths and flimsy wraps.
When the ship is rammed, he flies into action to save others and fight the enemy.
He's especially interested in helping the Roman who allowed him to remain unchained to all the other slaves, rightly believing that in saving him, he can better his chances for survival and freedom. 
When daylight comes, we get a decent full view of Heston in his rapidly deteriorating get-up.
Those caveman/dinosaur movies of the 1960s are another great place to spot loincloths. This quartet is from When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970), a very enjoyable romp through pre-history. 
That genre really was kick-started by the 1966 sensation One Million Years B.C., with John Richardson and Raquel Welch. Her fabulous "fur bikini" was a worldwide hit.
Richardson, underneath all the dirt, grime and mangy wig, was actually a handsome guy.
By the time of 1971's Creatures the World Forgot, the clothing had been reduced from pelts and fur to virtually a flap of leather and a string!
Though many of the actors in Creatures the World Forgot are almost cadaverously thin, it's a must see for anyone who likes to see plenty of slender physiques and practically bare behinds.
An already campy genre was sent up in 1981 by Ringo Starr in Caveman. Seen here is the burly football player-turned-actor John Matuszak.
This isn't actually a loincloth on Stuart Whitman, but it might as well be (and since when have we ever quibbled about such matters?!) The captivating 1965 film Sands of the Kalihari offers up some amazing views of Stu as his khaki pants keep deteriorating until they reach this point! 
Look at ol' Captain Von Trapp himself, Christopher Plummer, in the 1969 film The Royal Hunt of the Sun, in which he plays an Incan god-chief. Yum!
Stacey Keach in the 1974 film Luther, about Martin Luther. (I opted not to go down the whole "sexy Jesus in a loincloth" road in this post, lest I offend anyone's sensibilities - more than usual - even though I might have been able to!) 
In Spartacus (1960), Kirh Douglas was decked out in some sort of loincloth-panties for a turn in the arena.
Obviously, the more recent Starz series has a ton of this stuff, too, but we tend to stick to the past here in Poseidon's Underworld. I like this shot of Kirk, which is less "hemmed in" than many other photos of him from this part of the movie.
Maybe more of a skirtlet than a loincloth, but nevertheless, I'm including this shot of Richard Harris from The Bible: In the Beginning...  
The Who's rock musical Tommy (1975) had Roger Daltrey running around in a loincloth for part of the story.
1972's Chato's Land starring Charles Bronson was a memorable example of an actor wearing a loincloth for much of the movie's running time.
You have to be pretty confident in your body to wear this little for practically a whole film.
In a similar vein, there is Sean Connery in Zardoz (1974), though he wore other items besides this during parts of the movie.
In a role initially intended for Burt Reynolds, Connery becomes the servant/plaything of some idly bored, intellectual, yet numb, entitled citizens of a future world. 
As I said earlier, it takes guts, but he somehow still looks great!
When it comes to famous loincloths, we can't forget Christopher Atkins' weathered little scrap from The Blue Lagoon (1980.)
This film, which also featured plenty of Brooke Shields' (and her body double's) skin made a big splash at the box office.
Anyone remember its belated sequel/rip-off Return to the Blue Lagoon in 1991? It made barely a ripple, due perhaps in part to the fact that the sliding scene shown at the left was done fully naked by Atkins, but not by this film's lead, Brian Krause. 
Krause was an amiable presence, but not particularly memorable. He did, however, grow up into quite a handsome fellow.
Child model-turned-actress Milla Jovovich got more feature film career mileage than he did.
What about the out-and-out Blue Lagoon rip-off Paradise (1982) with Phoebe Cates and Willie Ames? Like Atkins, Ames went full monty in this movie, albeit underwater.
Here's Reb Brown in his loincloth for a publicity photo from the movie Yor, the Hunter from the Future (1983.)
In the actual movie, however, his curly mullet was replaced with a shaggy, blond fright wig!
At least his body still looked great...
One (in)famous loincloth was the one JohnTravolta wore in the camp spectacle Staying Alive (1983), the loony sequel to the blockbuster Saturday Night Fever (1977.)
This is a photo of Duncan Regehr, along about the time of the 1984 TV miniseries The Last Days of Pompeii
The 1987 straight-to-video Deathstalker II had young John Terlesky, wearing a loincloth, taking on Amazon women in the ring.
He's looking good here, but after accidentally seeing a photo of him from the obscure Agatha Christie mystery Appointment with Death (1988), I really think I need to revisit that one even more than to hunt down this!
Lastly, we find Tom Berenger, going native in 1991's At Play in the Fields of the Lord.
Not only did he strip down to a teeny, tiny loincloth, but at one point he got rid of even that!
The End!


A said...

Thanks Poseidon! Enjoyed this immensely!

Mike Henry gets my vote here. And I know he's contemporary, but Taylor Kitsch in "John Carter" was an eyefull.

I think this would be a great time for "sexy Jesus in a loincloth" pictures, seeing that this Sunday is the Hunky Jesus contest in San Francisco.

Anyway, thanks so much1

Gingerguy said...

I definitely felt a stirring in my loins! Thanks Poseiden. I remember seeing "Greystoke" and they dubbed Andi McDowell with Glenn Close-talk about a bait and switch. I love LA looking people in jungle gear, Tanya Roberts in "Sheena" comes to mind. Happy Easter.

Knuckles Girlyskirt said...

So much to say, where do I begin?

Lex Barker is definitely sexier than Mr. Weissmuller...but I much prefer Johnny's loin cloth.

Christopher've got me all hot and bothered. I'd pounce, but I have to stop snickering first. That's a pretty lame get-up.

But not as lame as Sean in Zardoz!!! I've always thought a pony-tailed James Bond in diapers would be sort of arousing. Turns out, it isn't!

Of course, it's still sexier than that Stacey Keach look!

As for Spartacus himself, well, I guess it's safe to say I know where he hid the potato!

I could go on commenting about some of the other shots...but I must dart off. Suddenly, I want to go create some makeshift loin cloths of my own. I think a couple of Kleenex and some dental floss will suffice.

Will let you know how it turns out!

joel65913 said...

Well that's a wonderful way to start the day! So many lovely pictures of scantily clad men. While I've always considered TV Tarzan Ron Ely the sexiest one, probably because I grew up watching him, all these gents more then fill the bill.

Glad you included John Terlesky, I've always found him very attractive, not that he had a big career but he made an impression in that Deathstalker movie. He moved into directing years ago so who knows what he looks like now but when I see his name pop up in the credits it takes me back to scenes such as the ones you included.

A marvelous collection, Poseidon. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I'm always hungry for some juicy sir-loin.
Before the Production Code, not only Weissmuller's loincloth was skimpier, but Maureen O'Sullivan (or her body double) swam in the nude in the movie.
I also grew up watching Ron Ely as Tarzan; I didn't even know there were other Tarzans until much later.
Even with the nudity, The Blue Lagoon bored me silly, one of Brooke Shield's Endless movies.
Reading this post I couldn't help thinking of Marc Singer in Beastmaster. His costume wasn't very revealing, but he still looked hot.

angelman66 said...

Your delicious blog often brings out the beast in me, and this post is no exception, Poseidon!!

I would only add to your bevy of beefcake my personal favorite Tarzan, Ron Ely...I always wished his attire was a bit briefer, though! Maybe that's why he didn't make the cut?

sowhatelse said...

I thought the comment about "the first Tarzan with chest hair" was interesting. For me, there's nothing sexier than a man with chest hair. But it seems like even now (i.e. the hirsute Charlie Cox being shorn for Daredevil) that actors are often required to present themselves as hairless as a 13-year old boy before they're allowed on-screen, and this was so much more prevalent back in the old days. With a few exceptions, (Hugh O'Brian, some William Holden, Guy Madison) it seems actors were required to severely curtail any physical sign of masculine development. Were audiences so susceptible to sexual stimuli back then that they would have run crazy through the streets if they saw a hairy guy onscreen? Thank god Sean Connery was allowed to reveal himself in all his glory in the early 007 movies and not forced to be shaven!

Poseidon3 said...

A, glad you enjoyed this! Mike Henry was a scorching Tarzan, I must agree. And even though I myself wouldn't be offended, I still hesitate to profile sexy Jesuses (especially since most of the loincloth action takes place prior to a during the Crucifixion!) There is a tribute to Jeffrey Hunter, here, however, who was my favorite Son of God in "King of Kings!" :-)

Gingeguy, how hilarious about Tanya Roberts. I remember avoiding that one because a) the man was Ted Wass and b) he seemed to be fully-clothed throughout anyway?

Knuckles, Chris Plummer's tribute here has some color shots of him in his skimpy get-up (and also from the underrated "Fall of the Roman Empire!") I think "Zardoz" MIGHT have been sexy in a way, but somehow they dropped the ball(s.)

Joel, you weren't the only one to mention Ron Ely. I have featured many photos of him over the years here, notably in the comic book covers posts.

Armando, that swim you refer to is neat to watch now, since it was pre-Code. Amazing the way movies buttoned up after that. I did a post once about Phallic Symbols and Marc Singer and his sizable sword showed up a few times in that! :-)

Angelman, like I said earlier, a few of you pointed to Ron Ely. His loincloth was certainly one of the most low-slung of the classic era! He's been shown in many photos here, even in one post on bulges (when you can make a flap of leather bulge out, you're doing well for yourself! lol)

Poseidon3 said...

Sowhatelse, I missed you as I was responding to the comments while you were leaving one. I agree with you wholeheartedly! From a personal standpoint, I like my hairy chest because it contours my torso and helps diffuse potential figure flaws (LOL - such as NO muscle definition to speak of!) Of course, if you are "ripped" with musculature, you may think that hair interferes with the showing off of it. For my taste, now and forever, Clint Walker is the standard bearer and refutes any such nonsense by merely showing up somewhere shirtless... :-) I cannot imagine him with a smooth torso, nor would I want to.

Dave in Alamitos Beach said...

Ah yes, Marc Singer. I remember suddenly becoming a huge Shakespeare fan when his version of Taming of the Shrew played on PBS when I was a kid. It was culture I tell you!

sorcery fan said...

The post Loincloths was fun. Maybe you might do Part 2 in the future. I made A blog about Loincloths in Movies