Sickbed Fever Dreams! - Volume Four

At last we come to the fourth and final installment of this recent series, in which I lay captive on the couch in the wake of minor surgery and was confronted by one nutso vintage movie after another. If you've waded much through the waters of Poseidon's Underworld, then you know how averse we are here to any sort of computer-generated effects (and, really, most modern day "entertainment!") We seek out gritty, seat-of-the-pants flicks (which are balanced out, of course, with lush, expensive studio fare from Hollywood's glory days.) The sort of movies like the one we're peering at today can never be duplicated because they're so of their time and authentic even within the realm of their contrived story lines. Everything today is far too studied and manipulated. When filmmakers used old-style cameras, they had to wait until the celluloid was developed before they knew what they had in the can. I love that, even if what's in the can is spoiled! Ha ha! Girls on the Road (1972) is just such a ratty, rough-hewn movie, but one with an unexpected little treat inside. It may be viewed here, free with ads.

The attitude of the era is established in an opening montage in which beach scenes and hip-swinging gals are featured while bumper stickers flash popular catch-phrases of the day. All the opening credits are presented as stickers or graffiti as a very wonky/groovy tune is sung.

Yes, I said attitude!

Cut to a graduation pool party in which a variety of teens are engaging in a series of raucous kissing games and horseplay.

Observing, but not participating, are two wallflowers, Dianne Hull and Kathleen Cody. Not that they aren't interested.

Cody's uptight mother (and hostess of the shindig) has forbidden her daughter to take part and Hull abstains in solidarity with her friend. (Looking at this woman, you just know that her kitchen countertops are goldenrod and the appliances are avocado green!)

The next day we pay a visit to a roadside bar/pool hall where Charlie Picerni and Bobby Bass are engaged in a game.

Enter a hitchhiking soldier boy, making his way along the coast.

Said soldier is revealed to be the young and delectable Michael Ontkean! Cute as he is, he's got troubles. Now we call this PTSD, though such terminology wasn't in use at the time.

After one unintentional clank of a bottle causes Picerni to miss, Ontkean decides to bait him by deliberately doing it again. This leads to a brief, but bloody, fight between them.

Bass is eager to mop the floor with Ontkean until the soldier pulls a gun on him! It's pretty clear soon afterwards that Ontkean is unbalanced as he makes Bass take the barrel of the gun in his mouth and proceeds to knee him in the groin for good measure!

Back to Hull and Cody. They're off on a jaunt to a beach-side bungalow and eager to cut loose.

You aren't likely to come upon a worse driver than Cody, who runs others off the road, causes fender-benders and takes right turns by going across the sidewalk!!

As they're tearing along the road, Cody convinces Hull to remove her bra. It's gonna be that sort of vacation...

Having obediently removed the undergarment, Hull proceeds to flash her teenage tits at a nearby driver who is a mixture of flustered and titillated.

Unfortunately, when she later tosses her bra out the window of their car, it lands right on the helmet of a motorcycle cop!

The girls, eager to lose their virginity during their trip, nearly pick up these two guys...

...but it's pretty clear that the guys are more likely to go for one another than the nubile teens, so Cody floors it...!

After various other shenanigans, these two gals finally offer a ride to nice-looking soldier boy Ontkean. But, as we've already witnessed, he can go from zero to sixty himself!

Things go along swimmingly, with the three of them chatting and laughing.

Regardless of how corny and trite this movie may seem, Ontkean was at a stag in which it's just a pleasure to gaze upon him.

The trio takes a segue to the beach where they light up a joint that he's brought along with him. The gals put on bikinis, though unfortunately Ontkean remains clad in his army uniform.

Before heading to their beach house destination, the girls go with Ontkean to his destination, a place called The Institute of Human Potential. (Yes, you read that right...) It's an encounter group home.

Are you ready for who is running this place? Ralph Waite! Pa Walton from The Waltons.

The robe-clad inhabitants do their thing, getting in touch, while that gals look on.

Cody is not impressed with the place or its people, though Hull is intrigued. There's no denying the inherent creepiness of John McMurtry, a group member called "The Maker," in any case!

Ontkean and Waite take a stroll along the shore, with Waite urging his reluctant young charge to lose the uniform and slink back into the encounter group's lifestyle.

Waite is handsy with the troubled Ontkean and I kept waiting in vain to discover that they'd been lovers in the past!

Ontkean discusses some of the cohorts at the institute with the girls before going with them to Cody's parents' beach house.

Unfortunately, upon their arrival, it becomes clear that someone is already in the house and has been crashing there!

Trigger-happy Ontkean pulls a gun on the guy, though as it turns out, he probably had good reason! The man, his ol' lady, their baby and one other hippie emerge and the latter hits Ontkean over the head. After coming to, Ontkean takes off in a rage to try to locate his assailants.

Reluctant to stay in the beach house alone after the set-to with the squatters, Hull and Cody decide to head down the beach to the institute. There, they "encounter" McMurtry again. (Oh, did I mention that there has recently been a series of murders of young ladies along with area of the beach?!)

Waite tries to reassure the gals that Ontkean isn't dangerous, just a bit disturbed. He agrees to accompany them back to the beach house, presuming that by now Ontkean has gone back there himself. 

He is there, and they put him to bed on the couch. But his mumbling in his sleep awakens Cody who goes to see him and gets a gun pulled on her!

Once he realizes where he is and who he's with, he's much more reasonable.

He tries to coerce Cody into staying there with him, but she opts out and pads back to her own bedroom.

The following morning, Ontkean awakens...

...to find a note left for him by Hull. (And, yes, we're drawing out this brief moment into four screenshots, thankyouverymuch!)

Hull has headed down the beach to the dad-blamed institute and wants the other two to join here there.

First, he has to remove the gun from under his pillow and put it in his backpack.

When Cody emerges from her room, he makes it clear that he'd rather stay behind and get it on with her rather than join Hull, but she holds him at bay. She talks him into merely hanging out on the beach.

Down at the institute, Hull is attempting to find her way among the members. Waite places her outside their circle, instructing her to "find" her way in.

Sadly, this involves having to express affection to the truly repellent McMurtry along with Waite.

But before it's all over, she's in. She now feels loved.

I'd say Cody is getting the better deal, myself!

As the evening wears on, McMurtry engages in face painting and naming people based upon his interpretations of them. Cody wants no part of it.

And Hull seems right on the verge of being seduced by Pa Walton! She calls it off just before things go too far.

Reflecting on all that's happened in the last day or two, Hull and Cody have surely shifted from two carefree teens on the make to two more thoughtful young ladies, unsure of how and when to segue into "women."

The next day, both seem to be in touch with the fact that it was not the right time to make the leap. However, when Ontkean shows up, wanting to gather his things from the beach house, Hull suddenly begins to beam and begs off going to the store with Cody as planned.

She heads into the beach house as Ontkean is just finishing washing up.

Then she strides into her room and effects a mini-makeover by undoing her ponytails and removing her glasses (oh, and her top, too!) She asks Ontkean to make love to her, but he suddenly feels used and swats her a couple of times before running off...

...into the arms of Waite. There's a lot of angst, getting in touch with emotions, ruminating over this and that... This is a very late-60s/early-70s flick with all the psycho-spiritual trimmings.

Before it's all said and done, Hull and Cody are put through one last traumatic experience.

Though Cody is far from a household name actress, she had a reasonable career in soaps (notably two roles on Dark Shadows) and as a TV guest star (including The Partridge Family, Love, American Style, Gunsmoke, Barnaby Jones and The Waltons.) She also costarred in three lesser-known Disney films along with other fare. Hull had begun in movies like The Arrangement (1969) and The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart (1970, with Don Johnson) before appearing as a guest on TV shows such as Cannon, Police Story and Medical Center. Both actresses left the screen around the late 1980s.

My favorite thing about this movie (which tries to cram way too many notions into its congested, contrived screenplay) is young Ontkean in his prime, showing off his trim toned physique a few times. An actor from the age of 9 on, he would go from this movie (originally titled Hot Summer Week) to The Rookies, which was a hit. From there, a series of movies, some successful, some not (Slap Shot, 1977, Willie and Phil, 1980, Making Love, 1982, to name a few) would follow until he starred on Twin Peaks, which helped renew his career.