Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Back to the Bitch

Almost one year ago, I did a post about catty remarks (most often) said about one celebrity by another and it remains one of the most frequently visited here in The Underworld.  So, as I busily enter week two of a three-week run of the show I'm in, I thought it would be a good time to revisit the subject, complete with fun photos, of course!  I hope you enjoy this second dip into sneery sniping...

"A great actress, from the waist down." -- Dame Madge Kendal, actress, on the legendary Sarah Bernhardt.
"Most of the acting could pass for government-inspected ham." -- Critic John Simon on The Government Inspector, presented by Tony Randall's theatre company, and also featuring Lainie Kazan.
"My only problem with Ed Asner is that he speaks with the authority of Lou Grant and the brains of Ted Baxter." -- Conservative politician John Leboutillier.
"Before he can pick up the ashtray, he discusses his motivation for an hour or two.  You want to say, 'Just pick up the ashtray, and shut up!" -- Actress Jeanne Moreau on Burt Lancaster during The Train (1964.)
"Do you mind if I sit back a little?  Because your breath is very bad." -- Donald Trump to Larry King during a televised interview.
"Since making her debut as Lakey the Lesbian in the film version of Mary Mccarthy's The Group (1966), Ms. Bergen has displayed the same emotional range and dramatic intensity as her father's (ventriloquist) dummy, Charlie McCarthy." -- Harry and Michael Medved, creators of The Golden Turkey Awards.

"At one point, a hot-blooded gang leader shows his contempt for (Pat) Boone by striking him and spitting in his face (perhaps he has seen some of Boone's earlier screen work like April Love of All Hands on Deck.) -- Harry and Michael Medved, again, this time regarding The Cross and the Switchblade (1970.)
"Ask him the time and he'll tell you how the watch was made." -- Jane Wyman on ex-husband Ronald Reagan.
"Douglas had always faced a situation the only way he knew how, by running away from it." -- Mary Pickford on former husband (and adventure movie hero) Douglas Fairbanks.

"He's an ass.  He was perfect for the part.  He was an amoral drifter who will blackmail you and take everything he can from you.  And you better watch yourself because when you turn your back, he might screw your wife." -- Actor-Director Dennis Hopper on his leading man, Don Johnson, in The Hot Spot (1990.)
"The worst tipper in the universe" -- Comedian (and former waitress?) Sandra Berhard on Jaclyn Smith.
"Talking so ceaselessly that you had to make a reservation five minutes ahead to get a word in." -- Columnist Earl Wilson on Tallulah Bankhead.
"A bag of tattooed bones in a sequined slingshot" -- Designer and annual fashion ranker Mr. Blackwell on Cher.
"If they'd stuffed the child's head up the horse's arse, they would have solved two problems at once" -- Noel Coward, after witnessing a horse defecating on stage during the stage musical version of Gone with the Wind.
"We were trying to get pregnant, but I forgot one of us had to have a penis." -- Roseanne Barr on ex-husband Tom Arnold.
"The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when I pushed her down the stairs in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)" -- Bette Davis.
"Madonna and Sean Penn--beauty and the beast, but guess which one?" -- Joan Rivers.
"A May-December romance is one thing.  B.C.--A.D. is another." -- Entertainment Weekly reporter Jim Mullen, remarking on the nearly three-decades apart, eyebrow-raising relationship between tennis star Andre Agassi and singing legend Barbra Streisand.
"I won't say she's fat, but she had a face lift and there was enough skin left over to make another person." and "Is she fat?  Her favorite food is seconds!" -- Joan Rivers on Elizabeth Taylor.
"Chevy Chase couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner." -- Johnny Carson.
"A testicle with legs" - caustic movie critic Pauline Kael on Bob Hoskins.
"When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring.  I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket." -- Don Rickles on singing icon Frank Sinatra.
"Kevin Costner is like Oakland: There is no there there." -- Marcello Mastroianni.
"My dear, you're sitting on it." -- Alfred Hitchcock, when asked by Mary Anderson during Lifeboat (1944) which was her best side.
Miss Anderson, by the way, is still alive today at ninety-three and is one of the few folks from Gone with the Wind (1939) who is still kicking, though it's rarely, if ever, mentioned!  She played Maybelle Meriwether, a memorable character name to be sure.  Which brings us to... The End.


Narciso Duran said...

Great post. My favorite of all time was Ava Gardner's quip upon hearing that her ex-husband Frank Sinatra was dating Mia Farrow: "Hah! I always knew Frank would end up in bed with a boy!"

Pantheon Zeus said...

Sandra Bernhard was a bev hills manicurist from 75-81 at CIA Coiffures at 351 N Canon Drive
Her clientele included Tina Louise, Jaclyn Smith & Dylan Cannon.


Poseidon3 said...

Zeus, thanks for clearing that up!!! I appreciate it a lot.

Narciso, I too have always LOVED that delicious quote of Ava's!

NotFelixUnger said...

Oh, dear. Where have I been? I did not realize a new post was up!

I love bitchy! Though not exactly the same, I do love great bitchy lines in a great bitchy movie. My favorite is from the "The Mirror Crack'd,"

"There are really only two things I dislike about you: Your face."

I always get such a kick out of that!

Gingerguy said...

Nice job getting Jaclyn Smith and Sandra Bernhard in IDENTICAL poses!

Poseidon3 said...

...and nearly the same hair! ;-)