Joan of Art

There once was a restaurant nearby which had a wall of photos of seemingly random celebrity females, but upon closer inspection, they'd created it wholly out of ladies named Joan. Now, we all know my very favorite Joan is Miss Crawford, but remarkably I have found that in nearly every instance that a woman is named Joan, I like her if not love her! Second in line is Joan Collins (who was named after Crawford. Strange imagining ANY little girl being called Joan, it seems such an adult name.) This shot at left, which I've posted before, is my favorite photo of her.

After our rundown of lovely portraits not too long ago, one standout of which belonged to Collins, I looked through The Underworld vault and realized that there was enough good material there for a post all its own. So today is just a parade of Joan Collins art photos, some of which are good and some of which are amazing. The gal liked her picture "took!" I've tried to stick towards the less-famous poses while still aiming to touch on all the stages of her career. Enjoy the many hairdos, get-ups and make-up schemes (nearly always created and applied by Joan herself!) as we burn through this collection starting now!

Here's a rare shot of Miss C. as a neophyte actress, so young and fresh, but even then not looking very innocent. The raven hair and arched eyebrows gave her a "bad girl" quality from the start.

The brows are a bit harder now and the hair more severely styled as she continues towards adulthood.

After a stint at RADA (Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts), Collins became a burgeoning presence in the British film industry.

With the brows and eye makeup increasingly heavier, her status as a siren was becoming solidified.

How can we help assuming something beyond innocent when we're posing in a revealing brassiere? 

I've always enjoyed this fun shot of Joan splashing about in the swimming pool, something we didn't see too much of during her career until years later when she and Linda Evans went to it in the Carrington lily pond.

Red on or directly near Miss C. has often been a winner.

While I enjoy Collins' makeup, I also love this more fresh-scrubbed look she sported during time at home (with her mother and her little brother Bill in the background.)

This might be the tallest that the 5'4" young lady ever looked.

I actually don't really love this portrait of Collins, but its colorful camp appeal caused me to include it nevertheless. What's more, Miss Collins says it was taken by no less a photographer than Mr. Yul Brynner!

Brought to Hollywood and 20th Century Fox now to play Nellifer in Land of the Pharaohs (1955), which is a delicious camp delight if you haven't ever seen it.

As a studio player, the publicity shots were endless (but thank goodness for that, now!)

Same day as the one above, but in glorious color.

At times described as "the poor man's Ava Gardner" or "the poor man's Elizabeth Taylor," she once quipped that "the poor man didn't do so bad, actually!"

Once again, red does her a favor or two.

Gussied up and looking quite beautiful for The Virgin Queen (1955), in which she tangled with Bette Davis on-screen and a little bit off-screen, too!

Yet another really striking portrait from this era.

Despite attempts at playing innocents, such as The Girl in the Red Velvet Swing (1955), which she inherited when Marilyn Monroe declined to do it, and the later Sea Wife (1957), in which she was a nun, Collins most often succeeded when portraying sultrier types.

A perfect example of this was her part of showgirl Crystal Allen in The Opposite Sex (1956), a role Joan Crawford had done in The Women (1939), though Crawford didn't have to contend with June Allyson, Leslie Nielsen or multitudinous other bananas...

The sexy charms of Collins were wasted in dreary movies like The Wayward Bus (1957), in which Jayne Mansfield's brassy looks contrasted with Joan's downplayed ones or in The Bravados (1958), in which she was basically a pretty girl waiting for Gregory Peck to figure that out.

Island in the Sun (1957) was a potentially provocative movie concerning mixed race relationships and heritage, but most of the teeth were removed from the story as the Production Code was still wielding a certain amount of power. 

I like this amusingly artful shot of her on location for Island, though.

By 1960, a stiffer, more severe look was taking hold.

Though she's still eye-catching, I was never much of a fan of the pointy brows she's sporting here.

Her last Hollywood film for quite some time was also close to the nadir, Road to Hong Kong (1962) with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby.

A dream role of Collins' had been Cleopatra and she was slated to star in it before the decision was made to go with a bigger budget and a bigger star (a million-dollar-making Elizabeth Taylor.) When Taylor fell gravely ill during production, Collins was kept in the dugout a time or two, but ultimately the movie Cleopatra (1963) was made with Taylor, though it nearly bankrupted the studio.

A fallow period followed in which she played housewife to Anthony Newley and raised their children, only taking the occasional acting gig.

These were some of her chicest years style-wise, but only the occasional TV appearance kept her career going at all. Her sole "feature film" Warning Shot (1967) had originally been made for TV, but then released to theaters instead.

With more time on her hands, this was also a period in which she could play with her looks, for better or worse.

Here we see a chin-length bobbed wig and eyes with prominent lashes.

I think the first time I ever became conscious of who Joan Collins was, it was during her low-budget horror movie phase in which she often wore her hair up this way. 

An optional 'do was this shaggy-styled wig. Once her marriage crumbled, she had to go to work any way possible and was even forced for a brief while into accepting unemployment checks. 

Here we see her duded out as a tourist trap rental agent for what would probably be her most personally humiliating film yet, 1977's Empire of the Ants.

After a bout or two with the giant ants, Joan takes a break on the swampy, filthy, bug-infested Florida location.

Solace of a sort came when she starred in the softcore sex romps The Stud (1978) and The Bitch (1979), both based on books by her sister Jackie, by now a successful novelist in her own right. They weren't Shakespeare, but they got Joan's face (and more!) out there again in a splashy way.

In 1981, Collins took the part of Alexis Carrington on Dynasty and it would make her a household name, forever identifying her with the role of a ruthless businesswoman and ever-interfering mother. This early shot of her is shocking in its simplicity and use of mostly her own hair.

In a short time, the role would become glitzier and more extravagant, with Collins rising to the occasion in a dizzying aray of gowns, furs, hats, shoulder pads, jewels and so on...

I recall being staggered by this particular look, a long, '30s-inspired suit with coordinated purse, gloves, hat, etc... Even covered up completely except for her face (and even that had a veil over it!), she registered dramatically.

During the height of Alexis frenzy in 1983, Collins called upon legendary photographer George Hurrell to photograph her semi-nude for Playboy magazine. She was fifty years old. 

This was another of my favorite Joan Collins publicity photos while she was on Dynasty. Something about the beautifully lit eyes and the dramatic outfit...

It was, however, when the show was on its last legs in 1989 that she coughed up my all-time favorite Alexis look. Tan, with long, subtly-highlighted hair, she was dazzling. I have no photo of it, but the scene in which she really killed it was one in which she found out that Dex had slept with Sable. She looked much like the photo above, but was in a cream gown and with lots of gold jewelry.

Back for the negligible Dynasty: The Reunion (1991), Collins (seen here with costar Jeroen Krabbe) could still pull off the amazing get-ups...

...though I was disappointed that she returned to big and, what were by then quite outdated, Alexis wigs. 

In the years since this, Collins has continued to work, even in such surprising places as The Nanny and Will & Grace, but never stops serving up as much glamour, color and pizzazz as she can muster. She seems to have taken her namesake Joan Crawford to heart, who once said, "I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star. If you want to see the girl next door, go next door." More than anything, Joan has proven that she's a survivor of selfish men, show business and life in general!