Fun Finds: The New Joys of Jell-O

Now don't be confused. Forget about all the previous joys you have known concerning Jell-O. These are the NEW joys of Jell-O! During another one of my endless trawlings through vintage bookstores and the like, I came upon this 1975 edition of a 1973 recipe book for the princely sum of $0.29! Of course, I had to have it and, of course, now I share just a few of its contents with you!

I have something of an aversion to Jell-O. I will eat it, usually with a squirt of whipped cream on top, but generally I avoid it and can't understand its appeal. It might have to do with going with my grandparents to Morrison's Cafeteria and seeing squares of it, with petrified whipped cream lying atop, covered in plastic and sitting there unwanted next to the various pies and cakes being offered. Adding fruit inside it seems even more strange to me. As Sophia Petrillo once said on The Golden Girls, "If God would have wanted peaches suspended in mid-air, he woulda filled 'em wit helium!"

The actual recipes are not really the point here, but it's the series of photos found dotted within. It's a delightful time capsule of the delirious early-'70s trends in clothing and decor. One thing I found interesting in this shot (aside from the little girl licking her hands!) is the fact that the two older kids are half done with their own parfaits as mom is entering the room with Dad's and hers!  Manners......! But since they were given wholesome milk to go with their concoctions, I'm sure they at least turned out healthy in the end.

Get a load of the outfit on this lady! Her husband is all blah brown and taupe, but she is color and pattern coordinated to match the physics-defying dessert she's brought. I assume this was a key party, in which wives drew sets of car keys out of a big brandy snifter and went home for the night with whichever husband the set of keys belonged to?  LOL  Suburban scintillation.

Wowza! Look at this far-out get-together.  Interesting that every dessert on the table involves Jell-O. You know you've seen it happen so many times, right?  The creations are so amazing on their own that no one has even bothered to pour coffee into those fun see-through cups on the left. Take note of the walk our terrace that these loft owners have in their home!

You know, I'm down with pudding-based pies in a crust, such as banana cream, chocolate, lemon and so on, but I really cannot say that I would enjoy Jell-O in a crust! It just seems icky for some reason. Can you imagine the work that went into arranging the bits of fruit in these little tarts just so?!  Jell-O take the wheel.

Gawd... I just cannot imagine heading to the dessert table and finding these things. The strawberry pie seems like it might be all right, but the other conglomerations make me almost gag. I wouldn't be likely to enjoy any of these items very much, but I can honestly say that the one on the far left atop the cake stand might actually make me vomit if I had to ingest it. Is that CORN in it??

Nope... still can't do even this one, which has been diced into cubes and arranged with avocado and lettuce. What's with the charred rolls, too? Were they warmed up in a brick pizza oven or something?!

This hideous concoction being served for lunch would cause me to hit the nearest Wendy's (or anyplace!) immediately after. Don't neglect to check out the interesting rolled napkins and how each person has his or her own pat of butter on the bread plate (for the strangely labian muffins! Were we at Georgia O'Keefe's house?)

Now we come to a section on low-cal creations. Frankly, I'd already have been on a diet had I been served most of the dishes on the previous pages! The loaf featured in this photograph has hard-boiled EGGS in it! No. There just is no way possible I could eat that (but I don't even eat eggs like that without the gelatinous encasement...)

Woe is me the day I attend a wedding and am greeted with Jell-O salmon salad or Jell-O tangy cheese salad! Thank goodness they have champagne (and I guess I could pilfer some of the apple or pineapple slices that are garnishing that football-shaped thing in the foreground!

Perhaps I'm a kid at heart because I could probably choke down the things shown here in the children's section!

Well, the caption is right for this segment. I definitely "never thought of" the items depicted here! Jell-O on crackers!!! Candied orange peel!!!! Looks sorta like strings of beets, broccoli and carrots (or Cheetos!)

I thought I should at least show one two-page spread of recipes from this 128 page volume. These were among the most putrescent combinations I could locate upon a brief glance through. My apologies if any of this food actually sounds appealing or appetizing to any of you!

Rooting around the Internet for more Jell-O information, I stumbled upon this old ad for a new flavor they used to offer, Apple. Perhaps Apple Jell-O wouldn't be the worst thing I ever tasted, but the photo for the promotion shows OLIVES in the mold!!  Gaack!

I also came across some ads for Jell-O gelatin and Jell-O pudding prior to Bill Cosby's famous association with the brand and, presumably, prior to them being offered in "sugar free" variations, for Kate Smith was the face of the brand during the 1940s! Here, she refers to Jell-O pudding thusly, "You know, these made-from-milk desserts do a lot to bolster up today's slimmer meals." Then her supper tray is shown with a massive bowl of chocolate pudding on it!

In this ad, she has a wartime message for readers about the horrors of wasting food. (I'm sorta doubting that the rather hefty Miss Smith tossed too much out or had to scrape her plate with much frequency.) And remember, "There's always room for Jell-O!"

Next we see more horrific recipes (Tomato Aspic, Jellied Vegetable Entree or Prune Whip, anyone?!) The tomato creation calls for "Cola" flavored Jell-O, another one whose time has long since gone. Smith's disembodied head sings the praises of the product at the bottom of the ad. These types of yuck-factor dishes, by the way, are a mainstay of The Kitsch Bitsch if you happen to be a Facebook user.

In this one, we get an artist's rendering of Kate Smith as a child as she remembers the pudding her grandmother made (since equaled or even outdone by today's Jell-O, of course.) One of the recipes shown calls for a layer of Jell-O chocolate pudding topped with one or two tablespoons of heavy cream (!) and then more pudding. Another suggests putting walnuts and dates into the butterscotch pudding.

This final ad, the one with the biggest and best photo of Miss Smith, announces that "Cola flavor not yet available West of the Rockies"!! If you are unfamiliar with Kate Smith, might I recommend that you pay a call on the fabulous website The Redundant Variety Hour and check out her festive and fun latter-day rendition of "It's Today" from the Broadway show "Mame." It's a camp delight, but I warn you that you may find yourself addicted to the array of performers on hand there and get stuck for a while. I'll be back soon with more hooty fun, but for now just nibble on the Jell-O creation of your own choosing...