Thursday, March 29, 2012

You are Now Entering Carter Country!

For boys (and girls, too, I suppose) of a certain age, there really can only be one Wonder Woman. Sure, the character was created in 1941 for Sensation Comics and morphed many times over the years in looks and style and of course we also had the animated version from The Super Friends. However, when it came to the human embodiment of the female superhero, Lynda Carter was – and is – Wonder Woman. More on that whole subject later. First, we will take a peek into the early years of Miss Carter, the life path that eventually led to her emerging as the star of a TV series that still has a special place in the heart of many fans.

Linda Jean Cardova Carter came into this world in Phoenix, Arizona on July 24th, 1951. She was the youngest of three children born to Colby (an Irish-American) and Jean (of Spanish-Mexican descent) Carter. She had an older brother Vince and an older sister Pamela. She wasn't even in kindergarten before she discovered that she wanted to be an entertainer. Her own idol was Miss Dinah Shore, then a major TV star through her hit variety show, and with the significant encouragement of her mother, Linda began to take dance classes and even appeared on a local talent series.

Her parents' divorce when she was ten made things difficult, both emotionally and financially, for her and she found release in singing and dancing. A tall, lean girl with sizable feet, she took part in her school's theatrical productions, and her talent was noted, but she was generally unpopular and even picked on for her gangly physique. It was around this time that she changed the spelling of her first name to Lynda. At age fourteen, she joined a local band and later at seventeen another one (one that contained another future TV star, Gary Burghoff!), which landed gigs in Las Vegas and other cities. Later, she moved on to a third band and had featured billing. A stunted attempt for the band to release a record resulted in her return home in 1970. By now, she was no longer a gawky string bean, but a statuesque, stunning beauty with curves in all the right places and a staggering mane of thick brown hair.

Recognizing her potential, her mother encouraged her to try out for the upcoming Miss Phoenix beauty pageant, which she handily won. She proceeded to win the title of Miss Arizona and then Miss World-USA (crowned by Mr. Bob Hope) before competing for the ultimate title in the pageant, Miss World. Here, she fell short, becoming a finalist, but losing the title to Miss World-Australia. Still, the next year of her life was spent making public appearances as Miss World-USA. Upon the completion of her pageant duties, she sought to jump-start an acting career, but found the competition in L.A. formidable.
She landed a guest role on the Robert Forster series Nakia in 1974, but it was 1975 before she got another one, this time on Tony Franciosa's spy series Matt Helm, wearing a bikini in one of her scenes. She was pounding the pavement, auditioning constantly, but to no real avail. She had even auditioned for a TV-movie pilot called Wonder Woman in 1974, but wasn't chosen. Instead, tennis pro-turned actress Cathy Lee Crosby was selected to play the part (and an incarnation further from the established persona in people's minds was not possible!)

Now, in 1969, the comic book character Wonder Woman had, in a major league shift, given up her powers and continued life as a practically costume-free, martial arts-wielding ass kicker known by her former alter ego name, Diana Prince. This was not only a nod to the women's movement, but also to the popularity of The Avengers' Diana Rigg, a mod and leather-clad secret agent in high heel boots and with long, dark hair. When, in 1973, the character returned to her familiar red, blue and gold costume, the Wonder Woman project was left in something of a quandary. The heroine was no longer just a plainclothes agent, yet the star, blonde (!) Crosby, didn't resemble the traditional costumed heroine at all! So, she was put in an amalgam of a uniform that used the colors of Wonder Woman, but not the style. It was, for most audiences, a confusing and unappealing mess (though there are folks out there who appreciate it. Not me. I had no clue who this skinny blonde woman in a track suit was!)

The producer wasn't ready to give up hope on the project yet, though, and eventually planned a more traditional version of the famed heroine. The New, Original Wonder Woman was born and this time she would be the familiar character, complete with the iconic costume and the secret identity of Diana Prince. The story would be set during WWII, when the character had first been introduced, and embrace its comic book roots rather than attempt to distance itself from them. An Amazon by birth, she came to the U.S. in order to help out in the fight against Hitler.
Handsome, square-jawed, comic actor Lyle Waggoner (previously of The Carol Burnett Show) was signed on as the chief male costar (an army colonel named Steve Trevor.) He had some degree of say in who was cast as Wonder Woman, but once the decision was made to go with the traditional, there could be little doubt that this towering (even though she was only really just over 5'9”) beauty was the right choice. A two-hour special was made, introducing the world to Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman and giving the character's story the right treatment. Early tests of Carter in WW mode reveal the need for some more hair (and, perhaps, some more confidence), but she truly inhabited the part.
After a promising debut, another two specials were done with the same basic cast, making a decent dent in the ratings. Still, there was no guarantee of the project going to series. Freed from the wristbands of the part, she was still at this stage a struggling, fledgling actress with little money in the bank. She accepted a role in a low-budget, crime spree movie called Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw. Costarring with the intense (and sometimes intensely bizarre) child-minister-turned-actor Marjoe Gortner, she played a good girl who winds up tagging along with a bad boy.
The outdoorsy flick contained plenty of denim, long hair, bared male chests, drugs and loads of dust and Carter was talked into filming a topless scene, which (being her only one ever) has made the movie a cult collector's classic. Here, the several of the principal cast take a semi-nude dip in a lake. Gortner (whose first name is a combination of Mary and Joseph!) and costar Jesse Vint had worked together two years prior as antagonists in the blockbuster Earthquake.
ABC decided to proceed with The New Original Wonder Woman as a regular series, though they were aghast that in between the time of the airing of the specials and the decision to forge ahead with the show, their star, someone playing the ideal good girl, had taken a role in a tawdry drive-in level movie and gone briefly topless! Still, once she was in that remarkable costume (and more so when she was in the dowdy guise of Yeoman Diana Prince), the memory of Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw would soon become faded.

One of the things that really helped the series along was the fact that The Bionic Woman (starring Lindsay Wagner) had become a hit and when Wagner was injured in a real-life car accident (one which lightly scarred her upper lip for all time), that series production was forced to halt. Wonder Woman was aired in the wake and won the same audience for itself. As the series gained popularity, so did its star. She appeared on Battle of the Network Stars (boggling the minds of many slack-jawed fans with her heaving chest in a wet, practically see-through bathing suit!) and Circus of the Stars and was an awards presenter at the Emmys and Golden Globes.

A method of getting Diana Prince changed into Wonder Woman was needed and it was Carter who suggested spinning in circles, with her hair bun coming undone the military clothing gradually falling away to reveal the costume. In the pilot and in the first two specials, she spun around and her clothing was seen to fall away. In time, this was deemed cost prohibitive and so Prince would begin spinning and a flash of light would occur, with Wonder Woman, shown in full regalia, the result.

In three episodes (one a two-parter), a sister to Wonder Woman was introduced who turned into Wonder Girl. Played by a neophyte actress and with an eye towards a spin-off series, the concept was abandoned when the actress opted to buy herself out of the contract and pursue other acting avenues. The actress was Debra Winger, who would score a hit in 1980 opposite John Travolta (Urban Cowboy) and later soar to stardom in An Officer and a Gentleman (1982) and Terms of Endearment (1983) clashing severely, by the way, with her costars in the latter films.

Even though Wonder Woman was a wholesome, heroic champion and an icon of all that is good in the world, it wasn't enough for one guest star who showed up that first season. Roy Rogers, the legendary cowboy star of the late 1930s on, appeared as a cattle rancher fighting the Nazis. Rogers, who had been one heavy-duty ladies man in his early years as a country singer, was now a devout Christian along with his wife since 1944, Dale Evans. He objected to Carter's costume, referring to it as a bathing suit, and insisted that she cover up during his episode. Remarkably, the producers did as he wished and for that episode, Wonder Woman was in a long-sleeved red top (still with a plunging neckline) and white gauchos!
As it turned out, later in the run of the show this early example of costume re-configuration would serve as inspiration for the character donning a few other variations, such as a special suit for swimming, motorcycle-riding and even skateboarding! My sister and I would always howl with laughter anything Diana Prince spun around and emerged in one of these get-ups. Speaking of, there were probably many, many a gayboy (I know I was one!) who glanced side-to-side and then surreptitiously found a secluded section of the backyard or an alleyway and spun his little heart out, trying to twirl around the way Carter did!
Though Wonder Woman was popular, it's 1940s setting made it expensive to produce and ABC decided not to renew it for a second season. By this time, Carter had met a dynamic, handsome talent agent and producer named Ron Samuels (shown with her above and at left) who took a significant interest in her career and in herself. They were married in 1977 and he began to work magic when it came to her recognizability and career footing. She had a stunning poster than sold over a million copies (though she reportedly wasn't fond of the pose or the styling of it, not to mention the fact that it hung in many a boy's bedroom where it inspired all sorts of naughty thoughts! I had one in my bedroom, but I wanted to be her more than do her, I'm afraid!)
CBS decided to try its hand at airing the series, but there were to be some changes made. Instead of being set in the 1940s, the show would now be present day. Thus, Wonder Woman, who was immortal, could remain unaffected, but how to explain Waggoner? He was cast as Steve Trevor JUNIOR, the son of the man he played in the period run of the show. The first episode of the The New Adventures of Wonder Woman had Carter back on Paradise Island alongside her mother (played over the course of the show by three Oscar-caliber actresses: Beatrice Straight, Cloris Leachman and, as shown here, Carolyn Jones.) Few things on the crust of planet Earth were as lovely as Carter in her lavender, chiffon Amazon toga. She was just simply a to-die-for beauty with gorgeous features, not the least of which were two sparkling blue eyes. (According to her, her eyes were never as much of a standout in real life, but something about the Panavision cameras made them far more blue and prominent on the show. I don't know about that. They look pretty amazing whenever I see them!)

When the decision was made to continue the series at CBS, Carter's husband, who had previously secured a tremendous $1 million dollar deal for client Lindsay Wagner in The Bionic Woman, managed to do the same for Carter. This new salary made her not only a much higher paid performer in general, but it leapfrogged right over the salary of her costar, the far more experienced Waggoner.

The theme song was augmented slightly (dropping lyrics that referred to the WWII era), Prince now became an agent with a U.S. organization called IDAC along with Steve Trevor Jr, and she was able to dress in stylish, 1977 fashions. She still wore glasses in her alter ego (for a while, anyway), but this was not the same dowdy, uniformed yeoman who had appeared in the first season. Likewise, her hair as Wonder Woman became longer, lighter and less bouffant. Her costume also underwent a minor change or two with the eagles wings now made up of a few separate slivers against the red below instead of full, gold coverage across her breasts and with a more "French-cut" bottom.

Before the end of the second season, she was given one of those pesky robot aides (seen on the left here) so common in virtually every 1970s sci-fi series (Star Wars had seen to that with the popularity of R2-D2 and C-3PO.) Carter was working 14 to 15 hour days and in danger of burning out. She also pursued a singing career, with the release of a 1978 album, but it failed to gain much attention (she also sang two songs on one episode of the show while posing undercover.) As she managed to whittle her workload down to the still-heavy 10 hour day, Waggoner was beginning to chafe at being both underpaid and under-utilized. It had ultimately been determined that there be no sign of romance between his and Carter's characters and so he eventually became just a supporting flunky on the show, often phoning in his scenes. Things got so bad in the third season and towards the end that their storylines barely crossed and he was given another agent to play most of his scenes with. By the time the show had come to a close, he was written out and had their been a fourth season he wouldn't have been in it.
When the show was finally behind her, she wanted to concentrate more on her music career. In 1980, she starred in her own TV special with guests Kenny Rogers and Leo Sayer, singing and dancing her li'l heart out. Several more such specials were to come including one in which she sang the numbers of Tina Turner, Kiss and Bette Midler complete with costumes (her Kiss-inspired get-up is shown here, a combination spider and Las Vegas showgirl worn while belting "I Was Made for Lovin' You!") There was also the TV-movie The Last Song, about a vocalist whose husband is murdered with her next in line. That same year, she had the pleasure of appearing for the second and third time on the variety show of her childhood inspiration Dinah Shore, who by then was hosting Dinah! In the next couple of years she made many variety show appearances, singing on most of them, but really the public wanted to look at her more than anything.
The early 1980s were an era when TV producers seemed to endlessly mount telefilms about once-great movie stars, always played by hot TV actresses. 1980 brought Loni Anderson in The Jayne Mansfield Story. 1982 boasted Ann Jillian as Mae West. 1983 gave us Cheryl Ladd as Grace Kelly. That was also the year that Lynda Carter played the title role in Rita Hayworth: The Love Goddess. Her hair was tinted red and she wore brown contact lenses in order to try to embody the fabled actress. Moroccan actor Aharon Ipale, who had once guest-starred on Wonder Woman, played Hayworth's husband Aly Khan, shown here. These projects were almost universally pale, tepid accounts of the lives of the celebrities in question. At least Carter was partly Hispanic and possessed some dance experience, but a realistic portrayal this was not. This was an unhappy time for Carter as her marriage to Samuels was over. She had begun to feel that his interests lied more in the manipulation of her career than in her personally.

Speaking of Loni Anderson, she and Carter teamed up in 1984 for what seemed like it would be a no-brainer considering that Charlie's Angels, about three pretty private eyes, had been such a hit and each lady, different as they were, had a decent fan following. They signed on for the series Partners in Crime, about the ex-wives of a private investigator who inherit his business when he is murdered. First, they solve the crime that killed him, then go on to accept further cases. The ladies claimed to be friendly with one another, but rumors spread like wildfire to the contrary. Also, there was much tampering with the concept and the feel of the show, almost from the start. The network even aired the episodes out of order meaning that the pilot was the fourth show broadcast! Continuing with the then-hot nostalgia for classic actresses, Carter's character was called Carole Stanwyck (after Carole Lombard and Barbara Stanwyck) while Anderson's last name was Kovak (a compressed version of Kim Novak.) No matter what the ladies were called, the middling series was canned after thirteen episodes. For my own part, I've never been able to generate much interest in Anderson who, to me, always resembled a younger, more tan, less interesting vision of Wayland Flowers' Madame, shown below with Underworld fave Donna Mills.
Carter had been the commercial spokesperson for Maybelline cosmetics for several years and figured prominently in their television and print ads. (In fact, one Wonder Woman storyline about deadly face powder was jettisoned due to her association with the cosmetic brand.) Surprisingly, for a lipstick spokesmodel, she did not possess extremely full or large lips, the top one being particularly thin. Thank Jesus, though, she did not seek any augmentation for this then or now. True, the horrendous craze for trout lips came much later, but even now she hasn't succumbed to this disturbing trend and rocks a normal mouth.

It was at a business meeting for Maybelline that she met dynamic finance executive Robert Altman (not to be confused by the filmmaker of the same name.) Despite her resolve to be single for a while, they fell for each other right away and were married by 1984. As his career began to soar, she backed away from the workload she'd been enduring previously and immersed herself in charitable causes. It was 1987 before she set foot in front of the camera again, this time in the TV-movie Stillwatch. She played a journalist sent to interview a female Vice-Presidential candidate who is haunted by memories of a childhood crime in which her father murdered her mother and tried to do the same to her. Don Murray, Stuart Whitman and Miss Louise Latham costarred (and this really needs to be unearthed!)

Two years later, in 1989, she did a guest role in one of Stacy Keach's Mike Hammer mysteries. Two years after that, she came back for two more television movies, Posing: Inspired by Three Real Stories (about Michelle Greene, Amanda Peterson and her, a married mother and bowling alley owner, deliberating the pros and cons of posing for Playboy magazine!) and Daddy, a Danielle Steel drama which put her into the life and arms of single pop Patrick Duffy, who is raising three children (one of whom was Ben Affleck!) in the wake of his wife Kate Mulgrew's desertion.

About this time, an utter nightmare came about in Carter's life than not even her experience as Wonder Woman could help. Her husband was caught up in a banking fraud conflagration that had his elderly partner and him accused of several financial crimes. By now, the Altman's had become a popular and prominent Washington, D.C. couple and, though he strenuously protested his innocence, it was a social and financial disaster for them. Months of litigation would follow, with Lynda trying to support her husband in spirit, but also going to work to help allay some of the costs of the trial. She also began to develop an alcohol problem during this period, one that would get progressively worse in the coming years. Altman was eventually (and swiftly) declared not guilty and the elated couple rejoiced in this, but the damage to his reputation and her health was still felt to a point.

Surprisingly, considering her worsening condition, she took the lead in a low-budget film called Lightning in a Bottle which centered on alcoholism and the agony of a drunk-driving accident. Dee Wallace Stone, Matt McCoy, Stuart Whitman and (yummy) Martin Kove, as her husband, costarred.

She took the costarring role in a series called Hawkeye, an adaptation of the novel Last of the Mohicans which had recently been a surprise hit at the box office in a version starring Daniel Day Lewis. This rendition starred a noticeably older Lee Horsley (once the white-hot sexy star of Matt Houston) as the title character and Carter as his lady love. The Canadian-made show was of a higher quality than Partners in Crime had been, but the comparison to the stars of the hit film was tough and the commute to and from Canada was immensely draining, especially since she was now the mother of two young children, James born in 1988 and Jessica born in 1990. At thirty-seven when she had the first one, she'd gotten a rather late start at motherhood, especially for that time. Hawkeye ended after one season and soon Carter was back to appearing in occasional TV movies.

Before she embarked on this latest spate of work, she went into rehabilitation for her alcohol abuse and made it stick. She's been sober ever since and works to help others through the same problem. From 1996 through 1999, she was the mother of a bulemic daughter in A Secret Between Friends: A Moment of Truth Movie, played a despicable lawyer in She Woke Up Pregnant, defending dentist Joe Penny after he sedated and raped patient Michelle Greene, portrayed a Quaker banker (seriously!) in A Prayer in the Dark, was the mother of a teen rape victim in Someone to Love Me and played a widow in love with a younger man in Family Blessings.
In 2001, she was a governor in the comedy Supertroopers and did two more features in 2005, Sky High, in which she (in a nod to her past as a TV heroine) played a principal at a school for superheroes, and The Dukes of Hazzard, the big screen redux of the country-fried TV show. Here, she was an attractive western lady who winds up involved with the Dukes and held hostage with Willie Nelson's Uncle Jesse. Burt Reynolds, as Boss Hogg, looks on.
This same year (2005), she performed the role of Mama Morton in Chicago in London's West End production of the hit musical. Finally, her attempts to be taken seriously as a singer had paid off. She was invited to record one of the songs from the show on the Chicago 10th Anniversary Edition CD. She's recorded two more albums, one in 2009 (of jazz standards) and one in 2011 (a blend of country, blues, jazz and pop.) She has developed a one-woman cabaret show that she takes here and there. Along the way, she has made guest appearances on Hope & Faith, Law & Order and even popped up as a guest judge on RuPaul's Drag U.
Recent pictures (these in the midnight blue dress are from just last November) reveal a dazzlingly fit and healthy-looking woman. At age sixty, she really is a Wonder Woman. (I can even forgive her the long hair! She did cut it shorter for a while, but when you look this amazing, I say do whatever you want!) She and Altman remain happily married and socially active, having rebounded from the potentially disastrous legal assault of years prior. He created a new media business for himself while she balances her singing with charity work and being mother to their now-grown children.
An abortive attempt was made last year by David E. Kelly to reboot the Wonder Woman franchise (The Bionic Woman already having been given a similar, and similarly failed, treatment.) The less said about these hideous photos from the misguided pilot, the better. The only other female I would ever have remotely accepted in Carter's footsteps was Catherine Zeta-Jones in a feature film, but that ship has sailed by now, too. We will always love Miss Lynda Carter for her extraordinary beauty which radiates from within. We just wish we could see more of her. (Attention casting agents for GCB, get this Arizona gal a guest role on the Texas-set show, stat!)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

March Madness: Baskets of Balls

Now you know that even with the title “March Madness” and even though I occasionally throw out a sports figure such as Jim Brown, Frank Gifford or Joe Namath (and they’re all formerly from football, my game of choice), that I’m not really going to blog about basketball! We celebrate March Madness (and most other occasions, as regular visitors know) in an entirely different way in The Underworld. Oh, there will be some baskets and perhaps a few balls, but not of the Sweet Sixteen/Final Four variety. Posts here that concern TV bulges are far and away the most popular. Today, I’m going to toss a few more out to you, but I’m not even going to limit it to TV. We have a couple from the music industry, movies and even a stage play! This post is more brief than I would like, but I am still nose-deep in work and home concerns. I didn’t want to go too long without trying for a shot.

To continue with the shot I presented above featuring Tony Perkins in 1960’s Tall Story, there are a couple of times when alert viewers can make out Tony Jr. He wears a pair of chinos in one scene that are rather revealing as he walks through a porch on campus, but his short little basketball togs are perhaps a bit more revealing. (If players wore their uniforms like this these days, I might be more apt to stay awake and watch!) Incidentally, player number 45 on the opposing team is none other than Gary Lockwood, at the time quite a hunky young fellow and looking great in his shorts, too!

At one point in the movie, the climax actually, so to speak, Perkins has been banned from playing in the big game and is trying to convince the coaching staff to let him in. While “hiding” behind Anne Jackson, who plays the wife of one of his teachers, he proceeds to strip out of his street clothes and hop into his uniform. This allows the viewer to see him in his tighty-whities and even get a bit of an outline of that which he shared with several actors and actresses over the course of his career, Tab Hunter included.

His costar in the film was Miss Jane Fonda, making her big screen debut. The movie was directed by Joshua Logan who was noted for keeping a plethora of healthy and handsome young men on hand in his films (he directed South Pacific, whose number “There is Nothin’ Like a Dame,” filled with tan, burly, hairy hunks, makes one wonder why any of them care!) This same year, Perkins starred in Psycho and from then on, he faced typecasting as twitchy, nervous, potentially-dangerous types.

One of the cinema’s most popular and handsome leading men ever was Mr. Paul Newman. In 1963, for the anti-hero drama Hud (in which audiences nevertheless found themselves drawn to Newman‘s character!), Newman struck a pose for the still photographer that was quite an eye-(and mouth-)opener. I have yet to profile Mr. Newman in The Underworld because I try to focus on lesser-known performers who may not have received their due, but the fact remains that he is one of my all-time favorite performers and I almost always enjoy watching him (and watching him!) in practically anything.

One of Newman’s friends and three-time costars (in 1966’s Harper, 1969’s Winning and 1974’s The Towering Inferno) was Robert Wagner. There was a pretty revealing photo of RJ not too long ago here that I wondered might be just a fluke, a shadow or something unusual in his pocket. Now, here we are again and I must say I think it must have been the real deal! No wonder Nat married him twice. Newman had to direct Wagner in Winning and one of the scenes was tutoring him through a love scene with Newman’s real-life wife Joanne Woodward. Lucky Joanne, both at work and at home!Do you know who belongs to the crotch above? Astute filmgoers probably recognize it. It’s from a 1967 film that really put its neophyte leading man on the map. He’s been a star ever since. He’d made one brief movie appearance before this, but after this movie, he was a major Hollywood hitter for many years and still commands substantial attention in the industry.

The crotch in question belongs to Dustin Hoffman and the shot is from The Graduate, a smash hit that earned him an Oscar nomination as Best Actor (the award went to Rod Steiger for In the Heat of the Night.) He later won for both Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) and Rain Man (1988.) More recent popular success came with Meet the Fockers in 2004 and the various incarnations of the animated Kung Fu Panda.

Let’s make some music for a moment. First up is mid-’70s singing sensation Rex Smith. Smith was the front man for a band called REX before heading to Broadway where he played Danny Zukko in Grease. He starred in the 1979 music business-oriented TV-movie Sooner or Later, one song of which, “You Take My Breath Away” proved to be his biggest his as a vocalist. Andy Warhol, in his famous published diaries, made mention of Rex and his impressively large member. We don’t know how he knew that, but if Smith turned up at a party in this get-up, it wouldn’t have been hard to figure things out. Smith later worked in a revival of The Pirates of Penzance and filmed a movie version of it with Kevin Kline, Linda Ronstadt and Miss Angela Lansbury. Then came a stint as the host of Solid Gold, a temporary role on Darryl Crawford and the role of Joe Gillis in the Canadian production of Sunset Boulevard opposite Miss Diahann Carroll. Marrying for the first time in 1987 at age thirty-two, he’s currently with his third wife.

I posted a shot of The Bee Gees in an earlier bulge-filled posts, their hairy bods covered in gold lame, with jackets unzipped and pants taut. Even that photo can’t hold a candle to this one of Barry and some very distressed blue jeans. For me, Barry was always the most handsome of the Gibb brothers, including little Andy, but he tended to stick with his family and not too a tremendous amount apart from them (though there was that album with Barbra Streisand, for which he co-wrote all the songs and contributed vocals on the title duet, “Guilty.”)

Turning to television, always a fertile place for spotting bulges, at least in the ‘60s through the ‘80s, we have a shot of hunkalicious Robert Conrad of Hawaiian Eye and The Wild Wild West. A little guy, but one who packed a major punch and was in astonishing shape for the time, he occasionally showed his basket on The Wild Wild West (or in shots from the gym like this one), but his bigger claims to fame were his chest and his unbelievably round bubble butt. He's one of those guys who, when watching West, you sometimes just have to halt and say out loud, "God, he's gorgeous..."

King of the outlined penis on TV was Michael “Little Joe Cartwright” Landon of Bonanza. His revealing taupe pants of the mid-to-late seasons belong in some sort of VPL Hall of Fame. Thus, I have to include yet another shot of him in a publicity photo from the show, this one close to the end of its run. Alison Arngrim has spoken of his penchant for going commando at times during Little House on the Prairie, but I was never able to see anything during that show (and, truth to tell, haven’t seen any of it in ages.)

I do not know this actor, but his name was Mitch Litrofsky. A brief career consisted of a role on Search for Tomorrow in the early 1980s and roles in 1989’s Music Box with Jessica Lange and the 1992 exploitation drama Eyes of the Prey. His career in TV and films ended soon after, though he remained a devotee of the theatre along with his business interests. Now in his fifties, he’s rather handsome minus the curls. He’s included here today because this portrait fits the bulge bill!

One of my friends here at The Underworld, Kirgissfair, recently mentioned Robert Fuller of Laramie and the final season of Wagon Train (and later Emergency!) Though he sported some really tight pants on Laramie, still photos are not in wide supply. Though you can’t see a lot in this one, you can tell that there was plenty happening downstairs. This next one isn’t really any more revealing, but he still cuts a nice figure in his cowboy gear.When I did a recent post about Stuart Whitman, I spotted him in the Barbara Eden TV-movie thriller The Woman Hunter. In it, he is not only shirtless a few times, but also shows off his package in some of the era’s polyester slacks. (If only there was a better print in existence that could depict it a bit better.)

Likewise, when I was viewing Hotel for my recent tribute to that show, I couldn’t help but notice something budding in the establishment’s flower shop. Floral clerk Terrence McNally had a rather obvious outline through his three-piece suit. It had to have been a happy place to work. McNally was a bit player in many of the most popular 1980s series including Dallas and Dynasty (and occasional movies like 1980’s Nine to Five and 1981’s Looker.) His career petered out in the mid-’90s after stints on The Young and the Restless, Models, Inc and Baywatch. He also had a role on one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Speaking of Star Trek, this next man was a guest on a memorable episode of the original series. Does he look at all familiar? He played Lt. Uhura’s combat trainer in the installment The Gamesters of Triskelion, the one that had Kirk, Chekov and her competing in the ring for their lives. His name is Steve Sandor and he was a very prominent presence in 1970s and ‘80s TV. A burly, brawny, 6’4” hunk of man, he appeared on practically all of the hit shows from that time. This series of photos is from an appearance he made on Charlie’s Angels in 1976. True, his fluffy hair is more than a tad campy, but that meaty, hairy, tan chest melts my butter and is just the type of guy I grew up adoring on television. Back then, it was utterly commonplace to see an apartment groundskeeper roaming around with no shirt on. What a disappointment when my first apartment building didn’t even HAVE a groundskeeper, just an old couple, the man who did maintenance and the wife who took in the money…

I came upon this snap of David Hasselhoff, posed for some sort of ad or bit of publicity. Talk about a guy who inspires just as many admirers as detractors! Sometimes, he comes off so handsome and appealing and then others he is a campy, hot mess. Unfortunately, it seems to be the latter that occurs more often than not. At least he seems in on the joke most of the time. Hasselhoff had two tiny bit roles on TV in 1973 and 1975 before making his movie debut in a trashy, low-rent comedy called Revenge of the Cheerleaders. His character’s name was Boner and he even had a split-second frontal nude scene, though I do not recommend sitting through the film to catch it unless you’re a true fan of his. It would seem that the only way to go from there was up, but he’s had more of an up and down career.

NotFelixUnger, a true friend of The Underworld, recently asked for something on Gordon Thomson (slithery Adam Carrington of Dynasty fame.) These shots were the best I could come up with on such short notice, but I wanted to include him in this post. You can’t see, too, too much happening in this first set of shots, but as I’ve said before bulges and VPL (visible penis line) canbe very hard to capture. It’s always more obvious in motion, so to speak.

Thomson and his on-screen mother Joan “Alexis” Collins had a very strong working relationship and their characters were often shown together. Here, Gordon is shown just after a morning workout in his old Yale sweatshirt and an abbreviated pair of black, satin workout shorts (practically all workout shorts were small like this back then… as All in the Family’s Edith warbled, “Those were the DAYS!”) Good luck finding a regular guy being caught dead in something like these today.

Even though this is a bulge posting, I went ahead and added a shot of Mr. Thomson from the rear, thinking it might make a nice early Easter present for NFU. (Why didn’t I just wait for a week or two and have a post called “Easter Baskets”?? Maybe next year…)

This next pic was probably the most revealing one I could find of Thomson on the fly (pun intended!) He performed most of the scene behind a railing, but could be caught briefly on the way up the stairs for a better view. When the series was cancelled in 1999, Thomson went on to work on the daytime soap Santa Barbara. The 1991 reunion movie posed something of a conflict for him and in a startling move, no one seemed to even try to work it out! So to both his and Collins’ dismay, the part of Adam went to a completely inappropriate actor who bore no relation in the slightest to the character. Thomson did sue Aaron Spelling productions over this ignominious slight as he had become a major part of the series soon after having joined it in 1982. Soaps have been his calling ever since from Sunset Beach to Passions to Days of Our Lives, though he did have a role as Richard Dreyfus’ lover in that ghastly 2006 film Poseidon. Most of his footage was cut out prior to the film’s release (along with practically any scene that wasn‘t action oriented…)

I always feel that bulges on TV are practically dead and buried now that people seem to make more of an effort to be discreet and men’s clothes are much looser in general. Imagine my surprise lately when seeing the new series GCB (which is a rarity for me in that I never watch scripted network programs!) and the camera took its place directly beneath the proud crotch of costar David James Elliot! The 6’4” former Canadian citizen is still looking amazing, now at age fifty-one! Amusingly, the tall drink of water (of which I’d gladly sip!) is paired with the diminutive (4’11”) Kristin Chenoweth on the (terrific) series.For our final two presentations, I hope I saved the best for last. First up is staggeringly hunky actor Marc Singer. Famous for the miniseries V (along with the resultant series) and for playing The Beastmaster in a fur loincloth, he had been working on TV since the early ‘70s and acting on stage before that. In 1976, he appeared in a filmed presentation of one of his stage successes, The Taming of the Shrew. Just like I might watch more basketball if the uniforms were shorter, I might watch more Shakespeare if the costumes were this tight!

I’d like to know how anyone can look at these snaps of Singer in the THE tightest tights ever created and not simply gasp. What a body (and the face ain’t bad, either!) Mr. Singer has never stopped working, though his fame dissipated considerably as the 1990s dawned and he began to appear in a large number of straight-to-video movies. In 2001 and 2002, he made appearances on the new TV version of The Beastmaster and as recently as 2011, he had a guest role on the new rendition of V. Today, at age sixty-four, he still works in movies, they just tend to be straight-to-video and, thus, don’t get the same type of viewership or attention that features (or even TV work, really) would bring.

My final photo of the day is from the 1982 German film Querelle. The provocative, overtly-stylized movie starred Midnight Express star Brad Davis as a sailor desired by many people around him, most importantly his repressed commanding officer Franco Nero. The movie is one long phallic symbol and bulgefest, but someone opted to take this picture of Davis (center) and two of his well-endowed shipmates. The photo gives new meaning to the term half-mast! I hope you got a kick out of this return to a popular subject. I’ll be back asap with more movie and TV profiles.