Reunited: "The Big" "Mitchell"

Since I have developed a taste over the years for rotten movies and TV shows, some of my readers are fans of the show Mystery Science Theater 3000, in which three personalities are made a captive audience for obscure and unheralded motion pictures, providing commentary throughout. One fifth season episode featured the 1975 action flick Mitchell and was considered good enough to warrant a spot in the April 1996 VHS release of just three installments of the long-running program. Naturally, the movie earned a reputation as a steaming heap of junk, though in its defense, part of the issue was that it was heavily truncated and watered-down for MST3k and, in fact, was the TV version of the movie, not the original rendition. 

 

The "real" Mitchell had been an R-rated, theatrically-released feature with a widescreen ratio, scenes of violent action and a fair amount of time spent in the bedroom. 

Playing the title character was one Joe Don Baker, a Texas-born actor who'd kicked around on television and in small movie roles before breaking out with 1973's Walking Tall, an unexpected smash hit of its day. (Made for $500,000, it took in $40 million at the box office!) The 6'2" actor had always put forth a strong image on screen, but by 1975 he'd become brawnier and huskier than before, something the MST3K performers zeroed in on during their remarks. (Later, they were wary when they found out that Baker had been less than pleased with their take on the movie!)

At one point in the film, Baker answers his apartment door to find this lady on the other side. 

The gal in question is Miss Linda Evans, freshly attempting to revive her acting career in the wake of her 1973 split with John Derek. 

As it turns out, Evans is a $1,000/night call girl (in 1975 dollars!) who's been hired to provide Baker with some action (and distraction?) 

Evans character has a rather pronounced interest in Baker's collection of Playboy magazines, asking him how she stands up to the centerfolds within. (Evans had actually appeared in the magazine in 1971, at the behest of and photographed by her then husband Derek.)

Even in the afterglow of their tryst, while Baker is giving her feet the once-over, she still can't quit thumbing through Playboy!

Baker, looking for clues as to why she's on hand, empties her purse and finds a bag of marijuana, then still a crime. 

In one of two discreet "nude" scenes, Evans is shot from behind, allowing the faintest inkling of some side boob. (Today, the "stars" on the red carpet show all this and more.)

The next time they hook up, he's once again got his face near her feet. We're not 100% sure where her face is, but we can guess...! 

The love scenes are intercut in montage form with shots of them in various contortions. I had to laugh during MST3K when she was moving her hand all over Baker's face and one of the viewers exclaimed that he was in bed with Helen Keller! 

Here, I thought Evans very much resembled Bo Derek, the 17 year-old who took Evans place in the heart of her husband John. The Svengali-like actor-director had a type and was forever molding the women in his life to meet that ideal.

One way for actors to become better acquainted is for one to place her head in another's naked lap... Ha ha!

Although Baker doesn't mind reaping the rewards of this $1K/night gal-pal, he still can't figure out why she's there or who it was that hired her. 

Exiting his sleeper-sofa, Evans once again has a darkly-lit, partial nude scene. 

And he repeats the search of her belongings, again finding pot. This time he runs her in and has her booked for possession!

In case you're wondering, Baker doesn't have any nudity beyond what's been shown here, but almost takes a shower on screen. (One of the MST3K viewers howled, "Thank God for jump-cuts!" when the moment abrubtly ended and another scene began.)

The third time Evans finds herself at Baker's bachelor pad, she's no longer being paid. She's there because she wants to be. 

He, however slovenly he tends to keep things, is bent out of shape because she didn't do the dishes after the meal she made for herself!

In a cutesy, freeze-framed ending, he decides to run her in for marijuana possession again!

The very idea of her as a pot-smoking hooker is utterly and completely at odds with the image Evans would establish six years after this when she portrayed the virtuous Krystle Carrington on 8-1/2 seasons of Dynasty!

In their scenes together, Baker and Evans do achieve a certain level of comfort and rapport. 

And the two clearly got along well between scenes of the shooting schedule. But, you see, they weren't complete strangers. They'd once worked rather closely together before this...

Back in 1969, in what was only his ninth or tenth credited appearance on screen, Joe Don Baker had guest-starred on an episode of The Big Valley. 

He played a Modoc Native American who'd been orphaned and partly raised by The Barkley family. 

Now back in Stockton, California after having been educated at Harvard, he's reunited with childhood playmate Audra Barkley, portrayed of course by Linda Evans. Evans had affectionately followed his progress as he sought to become an attorney and recorded various milestones in a scrapbook. 

I grew up watching Evans in Big Valley reruns and, for my money, this "Barbie Goes West" was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. 

For his part, Baker was outfitted with brown contact lenses (at a time when there were only hard, often painful to the unaccustomed, glass ones!)

Evans takes Baker to an old shack where they once played as children and dubbed "Fort Barkley." 

Nostalgic as she is, the place holds bittersweet memories for him as one who was "different" and whose Modoc people are still enduring unfair treatment. 

There wouldn't be any chance in the late-1800s of romance developing between a Native American and a Caucasian lady of standing, but the two have a lifelong affection for one another in any case. Valley often used Evans as a rather progressive link between people like herself and various underdogs like Black prisoner Yaphet Kotto and alleged jinx Marty Allen. 

Things take a turn when Baker is unjustly accused of murdering a local bigot and he rebels by dressing in his father's clothes and vowing to exact revenge. 

While she cannot endorse what he's doing, she bandages his wound and tries to compel him to give himself up. Until her brother Nick and the sheriff arrive! 

Here, she and Baker engage in a brief tussle that's not unlike that freeze-frame above from the end of Mitchell!  

Unlike a lot of stories of this sort, on The Big Valley or otherwise, there's a happy ending. 

Before I go, observe this Italian poster (in which the title translates to "Kill Mister Mitchell") with an oddball rendering that has nothing to do with any scene involving Evans in the movie.

Worse, still, was this hilariously bad, mid-'80s VHS artwork, which puts Baker into a Knight Rider sort of outfit. And while Mitchell's climax does involve a helicopter, nothing like this moment occurs on screen and Evans is nowhere to be found, much less clinging on for dear life! 

While not a direct copy, it seems to have drawn inspiration to a degree from the then-recent poster for A View to a Kill (1985!)

And since, by this time, Evans had found success on Dynasty, she was suddenly elevated from 4th billing to 2nd! (She has also inherited Krystle's earrings, for her Mitchell character wears none in the movie!) And with that, I'm bailing till next time! 

Our 1,000th Post! - A Few of My Favorite Things

Wow. Who'da thunk it? When I ventured into blogland a little over 15 years ago, the mere idea of ever reaching 1,000 posts here wasn't even a notion, much less a goal. I just wanted to get my feet wet in the sharing of people, projects, ideas and information that had long appealed to me personally. I didn't even know if anyone would even visit the dang place! The very first post (pic to follow) demonstrated not only my unawareness of who might visit here, but also consisted of a brevity which would soon fall (WAY) to the wayside! Ha ha! Considering I have SO much difficulty finding the opportunity to build posts here these days, I am very likely going to return to briefer, less exhaustive posts in the future. This being a milestone one, I was trying to come up with something a little special to mark the occasion.

Just about one year prior to starting up, I'd worked on a rather monumental production of the musical "Children of Eden." So the use of "In the Beginning" as a title still had a certain resonance to it for me as a title. (And you know I was going to toss in a nude Michael Parks as Adam for the photo! Even then I had intended to put some men on display! Ha ha!) Those early posts were brief and to the point, proclaiming my love for this and that. And I have to say that, lo these years later, I still adore the same things today...

 

Almost needless to say, I've had a lifelong affection for the very first movie I ever saw in a theater, The Sound of Music (1965) - on re-release in 1972, lest you think I was there the first time out! LOL I was reared on the soundtrack album, knew every word and note in every song and never really got over my obsession with both its stars, Miss Julie Andrews and Mr. Christopher Plummer.

What was firmly in place by 2009 was a sea change in my appreciation of Eleanor Parker, seen here on location in an intimate moment with Plummer while surrounded by teeming hordes of crew members. (Never let it be said that immense concentration isn't needed to block out all the distractions during motion picture filming...!) As a kid I don't think I could have hated her any more. As an adult, thanks to her knowing, sly and, ultimately, sympathetic performance, I became enraptured by her!

Oh, she misbehaved to be sure, but in the end she knew when she was licked and bowed out gracefully, handing over her fiance to the competition like a relay race baton. Maybe I forgave her  it's because I'd have done all she did and more in order to snare Georg myself! Ha ha! 

Anyway... Eleanor Parker's Baroness Elsa Schraeder remains the standard for high-toned elegance and regal sophistication that all others have to strive towards. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

It was The Sound of Music that drew me towards singing in general and it was an early highlight of my stage experience to get to play Captain Von Trapp.

Ten years (and a number of pounds and wrinkles!) later I essayed the part of Uncle Max, one of my most favorite assignments. If I were still on the boards, I'd probably be earmarked for Admiral Von Schreiber now!

The other life-changing example of serene glamour for me will come as no surprise to longtime readers. Over and over I've brought up the chiffon-billowing sensation that is Faye Dunaway in The Towering Inferno (1974.) Dunaway, who'd already blown my 6 year-old mind in The Three Musketeers (1973) is the first movie star I ever saw in more than one part. (I thought people in movies only appeared that one time! Ha ha!)

Dunaway's role in Inferno is barely a part at all... especially in the release print. (The extended TV version restores quite a bit of her deleted dialogue, though it's still certainly not a character of much consequence.) None of this matters in the slightest, though, because throughout the entire film she is acting, acting, acting with every cell of her being and every expression. I mean, we're talking Lillian Gish silent movie level emoting here, people!

...You thought I was kidding. Ha ha ha!

This blog is titled Poseidon's Underworld because a hundred years ago, when we paid for every minute of Internet time individually through AOL, I adopted the handle of Poseidon-3 in tribute to my beloved disaster movie The Poseidon Adventure (1972), first seen on TV after having been taken to Inferno at the theater. I posted on countless message boards (you see, I was always a blabbermouth, even online) and at imdb.com and it just stuck. However, over time I've grown to love Poseidon and Inferno almost equally. It would be so, so difficult to rank one above the other.  

The two are melded in my mind as the greatest achievements from the 1970s cycle of disaster flicks. I love all of them, though, even the most horrible ones imaginable such as Avalanche (1978), Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979), Meteor (1979) or The Concorde... Airport '79 (1979.)

Always crazy over "Box" style movie posters and ads with all the stars aligned in boxes across the sides, top or bottom, I made my own Facebook cover photos in tribute to some of these films. You're welcome to pilfer them if you please. I don't mind anything that keeps these movies alive in the hearts of viewers. (And, God knows, people nab things from P.U. anyway!)

An example of what I'm referring to. This TV broadcast of Airport (1970) was a record-breaking ratings event.

The montage I made in tribute.

I also did this one in tribute to my all-time favorite comedy series, The Golden Girls.

And we all know what a game show nut I am. So there's this one for Match Game.

Classic stars from To Tell the Truth.

Incidentally, when I'm hankering for a taste of what the S.S. Poseidon's dining room had to offer in the way of grandeur, I don't have to go very far.

Right here in good ol' Cincinnati is the Palm Court restaurant and bar, part of the Netherland Plaza Hotel. I think it's glorious architecture and decor outdoes even my much-adored movie and if there's ever an effort made to demolish it, you'll find me chained to one of the permanent fixtures!

One of my first posts concerned these people, the cast of The Big Valley, which was and is my very favorite TV western. To me, this was THE perfect television family with the iron-solid Barbara Stanwyck presiding over her morally-upright clan of good looking offspring. 

I loved every member of the cast, but felt that Linda Evans and Lee Majors (as half-brother and sister) were remarkably beautiful in particular. I faithfully watched The Six Million Dollar Man and Dynasty, but it was certainly a little odd seeing them paired romantically later on an extended episode of The Love Boat!

Another of my utter obsessions, one which has only grown over the years, is Miss Joan Crawford. (Do check out the most unusual and I daresay suggestive pleating on this gown!)

That FACE at any era of her unbelievable career will never fail to hold my attention.

That said, it's the late-career work which grabs hold of me the most. I can't deny I have a thing for female stars in their declining years. 'Course JC is hardly in decline here, showing off her fit physique in a judo lesson with Constance Ford during The Caretakers (1963.)

I LOVED the salt 'n pepper look on Joan, though she discarded it before very long, claiming it made her feel too old.

Some day, before I depart this earth, I hope I get to see the long-missing footage from Hush, Hush... Sweet Charlotte (1964) which Joan filmed prior to departing the angst-ridden production.

Was she sick? Was she faking? I really think her spirit was broken after some of the treatment she'd endured on location from her costar and that it was a little bit of both. True sickness, both emotional and physical, without the ability to face more of the same on set. It's a shame because that movie would have been next-level iconic had she been able to stick it out.

I loved her look in the stills from location on this film more than practically any other way she looked beyond the mid-1940s. It just clicks with me for whatever reason.

I came to know JC through a certain movie, based on a certain book, and had to work backwards from there to discover the real person. She remains a polarizing figure even now thanks to the notorious projects that have been manufactured. However (and I am FAR from alone in this - there are people out there who have slaved like dogs to unearth the real facts about her) I am fully in her camp. Do I think she was an ideal mother? Nope. Do I think she was relentlessly smeared and defamed by a jealous, selfish family member? Absolutely.

Trivia Tidbit: Did you know that Joan Crawford was Johnny Carson's first guest on The Tonight Show when he took it over? The video of the event is long gone, though audio remains. She was a HUGE star with legions of fans and graciously helped young Johnny get started on the right foot.

Another Joan, named after Crawford as a matter of fact, is Dame Joan Collins. This Joan has been an all-time favorite of mine since childhood when she appeared alongside Christopher Plummer in The Moneychangers, a star-packed miniseries.

As someone who has actually visited and enjoyed pages of this blog, Collins is practically a patron saint of the place. Staggeringly beloved by virtually everyone in her home country of England, she never stops going and doing, leaving the rest of us to marvel at her energy and enthusiasm.

Not satisfied with having graced, literally, hundreds - if not thousands - of magazine covers over the course of her remarkable career, she just landed another one when she was selected for the Arabian Harper's Bazaar for September 2024.

In the deliberately campy photo shoot (which included clothing solely from Arabian designers), she spoofed her gitzy diva image in a variety of ways.

Granted, these photos have been retouched (they do it for the 20-somethings, too, darling...!), but pray that you look this amazing when/if you are half her age.

If I didn't know whether, or for how long, this blog would continue to exist when I began it, I sure as hell never dreamed that a personage I have practically worshiped since childhood would someday look at it and eventually even know who I am...! It's all thanks to a mutual friend who came here first, then shared it with her. That action has led to a wealth of enrichment for me beyond anything I might have ever anticipated.

Here we have a very healthy-looking William Holden, later the costar of various Underworld faves such as the aforementioned The Towering Inferno as well as Damian: Omen II (1978) and the laughably bad, but nonetheless beloved When Time Ran Out... (1980) among others. While there are exceptions every now and again, we like our men with hairy chests. Many a post has seen its way to light here on the topic.

We like this shot a little bit less as we do not endorse cigarettes here, but again he's looking great, trim and nicely slunk into those abbreviated trunks.

Another of our little "likes" is the prospect of actors in towels. Seen here is Richard Johnson in Some Girls Do (1969), a spy flick updating the old hero Bulldog Drummond in a second outing (now called Hugh!)

Johnson, once the husband of Kim Novak for a little over a year, was reportedly offered the role of James Bond in Dr. No (1962), but declined. In the wake of that movie's success, he clearly regretted passing it up, but had to settle for this less-electrifying turn.

Sorry, but there's literally no comparison between this and what Sean Connery was bringing to the table as 007...!

Oh, and FYI... That is NOT me, blurred in the background waiting in the sauna for someone interesting to arrive. Ha ha ha!!!

Another screen trope which we always enjoy highlighting is the TV or movie bath. Here we see Anthony Zerbe on an episode of The F.B.I.

Rare is the instance when an on-screen bath is permitted to remain private...! In this case, John Marley has entered and pulled a gun.

Zerbe is ordered to make a certain phone call, against his will.

For all intents and purposes, if I see a movie or television bath by an actor, it's going to surface on this site.

The same can be said about the immortal Speedo. If I see one in action in a movie or TV show, I'm apt to share it at some point.

This example, modeled by actor William Zabka, is from - of all places - the 1986 Rodney Dangerfield comedy Back to School!

Sometimes the background players give better than the stars!

Dangerfield's son in the movie, Keith Gordon, donned a navy blue one in his diving scenes.

On a different installment of the aforementioned series The F.B.I., we find Scott Marlowe (playing - as was customary at the time -- don't send letters! -- a native American.)

Marlowe provides in this particular sequence what has become something of a hallmark of Poseidon's Underworld. The "bulge."

Sometimes certain people have difficulty grasping it, as evidence in the comments, but bulges on this site are not about finding gargantuan penises among vintage films and programs. Things like that are always available elsewhere with the click of a mouse or the touch of a link. It's about managing to see something that perhaps we were never intended to see or notice.

Sometimes they're everyday, sometimes not. What gets my attention is that in the majority of cases, we're seeing something we probably weren't supposed to notice.

It really was never a deliberate intention of mine to make bulges a significant part of this blog. What happened was that I did a series of posts on various exposures from TV stars of the 1970s & early 80s (chest hair, Speedos, bulges) and that one really took off in terms of visits/clicks. So, you know, give the people what they want. Ha ha! Come for the bulges, stay for the fun.

I haven't gone into ALL of my favorite things here, but it's a sampling. And there is more to come in the near future. As I say, I'm going to attempt briefer, more frequent posts instead of leaving so much time in-between. I was recently pleased to be able to revisit a site that had been blocked for me at work. I won't say that I slept with the IT Department, but I did turn on some Blanche Devereaux charm in order to have it freed up. The effort was about 75% successful (certain videos still won't play, but quite a few do, so I'll have greater access to things than I was having over the last several months.) Thanks for your continued support! Speaking of support, I close with Rock Hudson accidentally allowing us to see a glimpse of his own supporter. Till next time!