Sorry, Wrong Movie...

Woe to the poor young movie buff in the late-20th century, scanning the local TV guide in the hopes of stumbling across one of the classic films he'd been hankering to see for a long time. In those early-VCR/pre-TCM days, one had to become actively involved if he wished to actually see a particular movie. You had to be in front of the set at the given time and pray for no pre-emptions, power failures or static on-screen. So imagine the horror that awaited young Irvin or Marty, settling in with the 27" in his grandma's basement to catch the great 1948 classic Sorry, Wrong Number with Miss Barbara Stanwyck only to discover....

The 1989 TV-movie Sorry, Wrong Number starring Loni Anderson!

This is most likely the only time one would find Anderson and (a slumming) Hal Holbrook in the same airspace, unless perhaps it was at her then-husband Burt Reynolds' house for a dinner party! The on-screen husband in this movie, Carl Weintraub, has a considerable number of credits considering I've never heard of him before in my life! Turns out he also appeared in another one of Anderson's re-dos, Coins in the Fountain in 1990! Anderson had also done A Letter to Three Wives in 1985. The only reason I didn't put those two in this post was because I've already noted them here.

Or how about the nail-biting classic Night of the Hunter with Robert Mitchum, redone in 1991 with Richard Chamberlain as the sadistic phony preacher in search of some stolen loot?

This redux lacks the atmospheric direction of the great Charles Laughton, has Diana Scarwid in Shelley Winters' old role and doesn't even bother trying to cast an actress of any notoriety in Lillian Gish's part...

Now, granted, the 1965 William Castle shocker was no sterling screen classic, but it did offer the ferocious charms of Joan Crawford to help offset some of the teenage inanity on display. This 1988 remake, I Saw What You Did, offers no such recompense.

Instead the movie enlists two Carradines, Robert and David, for "star power" and hopes in vain that the two young stars (and an even younger Candace Cameron as the sibling of Shawnee Smith) can carry the rest of the dramatic load.

While we have you on the line, let's take a peek at Dial M for Murder, not the 1954 Hitchcock thriller with Ray Milland a Grace Kelly, but a 1981 remake with Christopher Plummer and Angie Dickinson.

Stepping into the roles once essayed by Bob Cummings and John Williams are Michael Parks and Anthony Quayle. (This venerable tale was done once more as a feature film with Michael Douglas and Gwyneth Paltrow in 1998 and called A Perfect Murder that time.)

Another Hitchcock movie, the revered 1954 suspense drama Rear Window, was given a redux in 1998. Now we aren't about to pick on the severely injured Christopher Reeve and actually applaud the fact that he, in his disabled state, was able to continue working as an actor and director...

However, like so many remakes of good movies, the end product just didn't quite do it. And the less said about a dressed-down Darryl Hannah in a rendition of Grace Kelly's role the better.

On paper this one looked fascinating. A remake of the 1962 Bette Davis-Joan Crawford thriller What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? with real-life sisters, Lynn and Vanessa Redgrave.

In execution it was a dour, dreary, wrong-headed mess, completely lacking the delicious tension and high-pitched emotional flourish of the original.

One nearly always thinks of Doris Day and Mary Crosby in the same vein, right? WRONG. Somehow the slinky babe whose character was responsible for seducing and shooting J.R. Ewing on Dallas wound up as the frantic target in Midnight Lace, a redo of Day's 1960 melodrama.

Stepping into Rex Harrison's (!) shoes was Gary Frank of the TV series Family.

This glitzy 1988 pairing, of Robert Wagner and Lesley-Anne Down, was brought about for the TV remake of 1958's Indiscreet.

The original got by on it's star power (no less than Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman), not on it's thin story of forbidden romance. So this pale imitation really didn't stand much of a chance from the get-go.

If Wagner and Down in any way fell short of Grant and Bergman, imagine John Shea and Jenny Robertson stepping into the pair's shoes for a 1992 remake of one of their more enduring works, 1946's Notorious!

This time, once again, someone was doing over a Hitchcock film that had been a tremendous hit. WHO was even asking for these pale remakes?!

At least this one, 1984's Sentimental Journey, was a remake of a film that wasn't exactly a blockbuster the first time around (in 1946, with Maureen O'Hara and John Payne.) Here, Jaclyn Smith and David Dukes played a married couple faced with the oncoming death of the wife.

Smith insists upon adopting a young boy (a girl in the original) so that Dukes will have someone on-hand to love after she's gone (this was pre-Tinder and possibly even pre-Great Expectations dating service?) Smith later did a lacking remake of 1950's Three Secrets in 1999.

This one was rough. 1985's The Bad Seed was a remake of the 1956 camp classic that had netted Oscar nominations for several of its participants. This pallid, pastel update starred Blair Brown and an utterly resistible Carrie Wells as the title figure.

In Henry Jones' old role of the skeptical and cantankerous handyman, David Carradine took over. Lynn Redgrave also appeared as the smothering landlady (only in this instance, bedecked in horrible '80s clothing, including some gaudy aerobic gear!)

Now the 1939 film Jamaica Inn (yet another Hitchcock redo) was not exactly an indelible classic (in fact, it's the one sound film of Hitch's that I've never been able to get all the way through), so perhaps this 1983 one isn't all bad.

One thing going for it is the fact that Jane Seymour (in Maureen O'Hara's old role) was often highly watchable during this part of her career. Also, apart from Patrick McGoohan in Charles Laughton's part, the movie boasted some great character actors like Peter Vaughan and Billie Whitelaw, so this one might be worth a look.

Jane was back at it the following year, this time in a double dose, for Dark Mirror (the TV title eliminated the "The" no matter what this artwork says), a remake of the 1946 Olivia de Havilland thriller The Dark Mirror.

In the 1980s, pre-Dr. Quinn, Seymour was an EXCEPTIONAL bad girl in a slew of projects, the highlight of which was East of Eden (a remake done as a miniseries.) This movie was a camp hoot but, since it costars Stephen Collins, it isn't likely to be popping up a lot on the tube.

Still going "dark" for a moment, I give you 1976's Dark Victory, starring Elizabeth Montgomery and Anthony Hopkins! Note the way the advertising imposes a smiling, long-haired Montgomery over the short-haired photo of her after enduring a brain tumor removal. What the hell were they thinking? "Samantha Stevens Does Cancer?"

This was one of several serious telefilms that Montgomery made in the wake of Bewitched to reinvent her screen persona and avoid being typecast as a sitcom spellbinder. Note Michele Lee in the inset as her best friend. It may have been an okay film (I don't recall seeing it), though I doubt it made anyone forget Bette Davis' famous 1939 tearjerker!

Christmas is nearly upon us, so I may as well begin to wrap things up in that vein. You say you don't recall 1977's It Happened One Christmas ever being a feature film beforehand? Well, you'd be right if you were going strictly by the title...

The story, however, was a re-envisioning of 1946's immortal It's a Wonderful Life, which starred James Stewart and Donna Reed. Here, we have Marlo Thomas as their grown daughter, about to commit suicide off the side of a bridge until an angel (Cloris Leachman) comes to save her. So it's both a distaff remake and a continuation all in one!  (Or to some, a rip-off!)

I end for good with one more television remake, this time of the musical Kismet (filmed sans music in 1944 with Ronald Coleman and Marlene Dietrich and then in its musicalized form in 1955 with Howard Keel, Ann Blyth and Dolores Gray.)  Here, the headliner is Jose Ferrer.

You see, I promised I Dream of Jeannie's Barbara Eden that she could have equal time with Bewitched's Elizabeth Montgomery. Here she is in yet another belly-baring, Arabian-flavored role! (And don't miss her shirtless pal in the background.)

In fact, that's a great place to end this post. It's getting warm in here! This might be one occasion in which the remake is (in at least one way) more "entertaining" than the original. We know there are more of these (Tuesday Weld's 1981 take on Madame X comes to mind), so share any recollections you might have if you wish!

They Say Good Things Come in Threes

Or is it bad things? One thing is sure, it's a real "three for all" in here today! We're taking a gander at movies (and a few TV shows) that all focused on the adventures of three ladies thrown together by either family or fate. Our cover photo from Three Bad Sisters (1956) looks to be one to watch out for, not only for its campy aspects, but because delicious John Bromfield is shown shirtless in a trim little bathing suit! As you'll see, this concept has been a popular storytelling device for many years as it allows for a variety of personalities to collide against one another. Often, one of the gals would end up dead by the end! Rarely are my collections definitive, but I try to gather as many as I can. Will your own favorite make the cut?

These sorts of films helped give Joan Crawford a foothold in the movie business and she capitalized on the exposure. Here, in Sally, Irene and Mary (1925) she is shown at right opposite Constance Bennett with Sally O'Neil in the middle. (O'Neil portrayed Mary, not Sally! Ha!)

1928's Our Dancing Daughters had top-billed Crawford with Dorothy Sebastion and Anita Page.

The same trio was back again for 1930's Our Blushing Brides, though not as the same characters they'd portrayed in the prior film. (The 1929 movie Our Modern Maidens also starred Crawford and Page and bore a similar title to these others, but didn't chiefly concern three gals.)

In 1932, Bette Davis, Joan Blondell and Ann Dvorak played Three on a Match, after which bad luck did set in for the ladies.

Less a remake than a reworking of the 1925 film, 1938's Sally, Irene and Mary had Alice Faye, Marjorie Weaver and Joan Davis as manicurists aspiring to become entertainers.

1941 found the concept still fruitful with Ziegfeld Girl, which featured the star trio of Judy Garland, Hedy Lamarr and Lana Turner. (By the way, I love to listen to Tony Martin singing "You Stepped Out of a Dream" as the showgirls waft around in elaborate gowns and headdresses!)

A Letter to Three Wives (1949) was co-written and directed by the masterful Joseph L. Mankiewicz and starred Linda Darnell, Ann Sothern and Jeanne Crain. Each lady frets over which of her husbands has fled with another woman.

In what became a thing in the 1980s & '90s, the movie was remade for television in 1985. This A Letter to Three Wives starred Loni Anderson, Stephanie Zimbalist and Michele Lee.

Similar in conceit, Three Secrets (1950) had Ruth Roman, Eleanor Parker and Patricia Neal each worrying if whether a young plane crash survivor might be her own illegitimate son, given up for adoption years before.

When this one was redone as Three Secrets in 1999, they couldn't even bother to cast three stars in the roles, thus it became a Jaclyn Smith movie with Katy Boyer and Nicole Forester merely along for the ride...

One hugely-popular threesome of ladies came with 1953's How to Marry a Millionaire, which starred Betty Grable, Lauren Bacall and Marilyn Monroe. (The basic concept had seen the light of day before in 1932's The Greeks Had a Word for Them, 1938's Three Blind Mice and Moon Over Miami in 1941!)

Though you can barely see the title amidst the grass in this picture, How to Marry a Millionaire was later recreated as a syndicated television series that aired from 1957-1959.)

The property was far from done being exploited, however. In 1990 a TV remake was done called Rich Men, Single Women. This one isn't even connected to the original via imdb.com, but you know we love to dig up the obscure here at The Underworld and it is indeed a remake (or rip-off!) regardless of what anyone says. A 2000 telefilm called How to Marry a Billionaire had three MEN looking for wealthy spouses!

1954's Woman's World had Bacall returning to the format, but this time as one of three wives whose husbands are each vying for the same corporate promotion. She was joined in this one by June Allyson and Arlene Dahl.

Another very successful stab at the formula came in 1954 with Three Coins in the Fountain, with Jean Peters, Maggie McNamara and Dorothy McGuire as a trio of ladies hoping for love in Rome, Italy.

After allowing a decade to pass, the movie was remade (by the same director - Jean Negulesco, who specialized in these films), set in Madrid, Spain and cast with Ann-Margret, Carol Lynley and Pamela Tiffin. This time out, it was called The Pleasure Seekers. (An unsold TV-pilot in 1970, using the original title, starred Cynthia Pepper, Yvonne Craig and Joanna Moore.)

And, yes, the relentless train of remakes included a rendition of this one, now shortened to just Coins in the Fountain (1990) and featuring Stepfanie Kramer, Loni Anderson and Shanna Reed.

1957 found Taina Elg, Kay Kendall and Mitzi Gaynor as three co-habitating showgirls in Les Girls.

The roommate formula was in full swing again in 1959 with The Best of Everything, with office employees Diane Baker, Hope Lange and Suzy Parker doing the honors.

Did you know that the aforementioned movie was developed into a daytime soap called The Best of Everything in 1970 with Patty McCormack (middle-top) among the cast? The source novel had four protagonists, hence the foursome shown here. (The 1959 movie did also feature a fourth young lady, Martha Hyer, but her story was pared down. For those curious, Joan Crawford's firebreathing role from the movie was portrayed in the soap by Gale Sondergaard.)

1963 gave us Come Fly With Me, about a trio of stewardesses and their tangled love lives. Lois Nettleton, Dolores Hart and Pamela Tiffin enacted the roles. This was Hart's final movie before departing (see what I did there?) the biz to become a nun.

Also in 1963 came For Love or Money, in which Mitzi Gaynor, Julie Newmar and Leslie Parrish were three leggy sisters whose mother Thelma Ritter wanted them to be fixed up with wealthy husbands. Kirk Douglas was an attorney hired to help achieve that task.

This was also the year that Petticoat Junction (1963-1970), about three lovely sisters living at a hotel along a railway stop, hit the airwaves. Linda Henning, Pat Woodell and Jeannine Riley initialized the roles, though the latter two would be recast a couple of times over the course of seven seasons.

Possibly the Ne Plus Ultra of movie girl trios, at least in these circles, was Valley of the Dolls (1967) with Sharon Tate, Barbara Parkins and Patty Duke. Remarkably, there is no scene in the 123 minute movie that has all three gals interacting at once!

The 1970 sequel Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (starring Cynthia Myers, Dolly Read and Marcia McBroom) got so far afield from the original during pre-production that it ultimately became a separate entity entirely. Phyllis Elizabeth Davis' character Susan had originally been Barbara Parkins' role of Anne and Charles Napier's Baxter was initially Paul Burke's Lyon before the connection between the films was severed.

A 1981 miniseries revisited the material. Jacqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls starred Catherine Hicks, Lisa Hartman and Veronica Hamel. Even this was not the end! A 1994 late-night syndicated soap called Valley of the Dolls brought the trio out once more and even included glimpses of nudity here and there. (And Hollywood is always threatening to remake it as a feature with people like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and others who are already living it!)

1970 also gave us the Saturday morning cartoon series Josie and the Pussycats, which was a childhood favorite. After one 16-episode season, the gals were back for another, but as Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space!

The less said about 2001's live-action version Josie and the Pussycats, with Tara Reid, Rachel Leigh Cook and Rosario Dawson the better...

Another highly-successful series starring three young ladies was Charlie's Angels (1976-1981), about three female undercover detectives. The initial trio of Kate Jackson, Jaclyn Smith and Farrah Fawcett was only in place the first season, though that is arguably the most famous combination. Several recasts followed, though Smith stayed on board throughout.

Unlike many big-screen re-imaginings, Charlie's Angels (2000) proved commercially successful and even had its own sequel Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle in 2003, but, as you can imagine, I've never seen either one.

The 1977 Saturday morning cartoon Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels managed to merge (steal from!) both Josie and the Pussycats and Charlie's Angels in the visual formation of its girl trio.

Threesomes of ladies were still at it as the 1980s dawned with Jane Curtin, Jessica Lange and Susan St. James as larcenists in How to Beat the High Co$t of Living (1980.)

Tangled love lives and relationships were at the heart of 1986's Hannah and Her Sisters, starring Mia Farrow, Barbara Hershey and Dianne Wiest.

A girl group made up of life-long friends Kathryn Grody, Diane Keaton and Carol Kane was the subject of The Lemon Sisters (1989.)

Three sisters with quite varied looks were the witches of Hocus Pocus (1993), portrayed by Sarah Jessica Parker, Bette Midler and Kathy Najimy.

Hitting it out of the park, box-office-wise, were Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn and Bette Midler, who made up The First Wives Club (1996.)

The TV series Charmed (1998-2006) focused on three sisters (Holly Marie Combs, Shannon Doherty and Alyssa Milano) endowed with witchcraft and ran for eight seasons. The set turned out not to live up to its name, though, and Doherty was shown the door after reports on on-set squabbling. Rose McGowan was brought it to complete the fractured trio.

Diane Keaton, who seemed something of a fixture in this sub-genre, teamed up with Meg Ryan and Lisa Kudrow as three sisters struggling with the oncoming death of their father Walter Matthau in Hanging Up (2000.) And that, my friends, is my cue to hang it up on this posting!