Poseidon Quickies: This is the "Night."

The woe of an actor popular in a certain era who must then navigate a career later on when few modern audiences remember then (or care to try.) Some are wealthy enough to retire gracefully, some are lucky enough to keep working in prestigious pictures, but some... find themselves resigned to items like Evils of the Night (1985!) One glimpse at the names involved in this teen slasher flick meant that I had no choice but to check it out. It was so much worse than I could ever have imagined. But... there was one small benefit. Nestled in with all the young female T & A (& P!) there were some attractive young men. And with a 1:24 running time, it's not like I was subjecting myself to some horrible, bloated mess (like a certain recent superhero movie I tried to get into, but gave up on during the second of its three hours!) Evils of the Night is bad. But it was sometimes entertainingly so. And because I graduated high school in 1985, it was nostalgic to me for some of the hair, clothes, etc...

Your eyes are not deceiving you... This is Julie Newmar, John Carradine and Tina Louise as aliens (!) who need the blood of young people to prolong life on their planet. It doesn't make them younger or anything fun like that. You just live on and on (witness Carradine!) for many more years than otherwise anticipated.

Newmar was about 52 at this time and still in good physical condition. She'd been appearing frequently on television, but hadn't been in a movie of any consequence since Mackenna's Gold in 1969. She is currently 89.

Louise, a year younger than Newmar, was in about the same boat, working on TV and low-rent movies with her last film of any note being The Stepford Wives (1975.) She had, at least, been featured on the super hot TV show Dallas for a while. She is currently 88.

Carradine was just shy of 80 when he made this. He'd been in films since 1930 and worked tirelessly always in every conceivable sort of project (though chiefly horror towards the end) right up until his death in 1988. He was 82 and was felled by heart and kidney failure.

The alien blood-seekers have come to Earth in what looks like a decorated to-go food container...

The aforementioned trio of interplanetary beings decides that the best way to obtain young blood is to hire two down-on-their-luck garage mechanics to visit a nearby lake and abduct various college students there on vacation...!

Neville Brand, then 65, is one of them. He'd done a number of thrillers and horror films in prior years, but this would mark his final bit of acting on screen. Emphysema claimed Brand in 1992 at age 71.

The other is 59 year-old Aldo Ray, who'd been taking practically any job for quite a few years in order to pay back alimony and other debts. He passed away in 1991 from throat cancer at age 64.

It's no real treat to see the quintet of once-popular performers slumming in this total and complete drek, though each of them is giving his or her role the best they can. But none of them are really in it long enough, despite their billing, to warrant all that much comment. As the henchmen, Ray and Brand are on hand a fair amount. The aliens, with the exception of Louise, have only limited screen time. The movie (and this post!) mostly concerns the victims.

If one finds himself tuned in to a piece of crap like this, it's always nice to at least have some male pulchritude on display. The summer, lakeside setting allows for some of this.

A fair hunk of the running time of this movie concerns idiotic, hopelessly horny coeds trying their best to get it on. This particular couple was portrayed by actual XXX adult film stars Amber Lynn and Jerry Butler. (Lynn shows all in her scenes, but Butler, still attempting to break into the mainstream, offers nothing but a lot of chest and was using his real name in the billing.)

If he wasn't going to show us anything else, at least we got to see some prolonged hairy chest shots. You may recall Butler as the one-time husband of Lisa Loring (Wednesday Addams of The Addams Family) whose tell-all book "Raw Talent" caused some shockwaves at the time.

Warren Beatty once infamously described him as one of the best actors he'd ever seen...! Butler died of pancreatic cancer in 2018 at age 58, following a long period of personal difficulty.

I found this sunburned cutie rather intriguing as well.

He later turns up in a lilac Izod polo and Guess jeans! It's all so "80s" without even trying to be. It's just what it was.

Yes, please...

This guy in green is really not my type to be honest. But he's the ostensible leading man of the film and he has a couple of eye-opening moments.

Getting up from the campfire was one of them.

I like a good hot dog over an open flame. LOL

These shorts, which he wears for most of his screen time, are just plain tight!

I'm not joking. (No, I'm not gonna start that again! Ha ha!)

What really got my attention, though, was his introduction on the beach.

I swear there is no lining in these shorts and you can see right up the open leg...!

I'm not joking. God, I love the '80s....

Do check out the super-futuristic get-up, punctuated by the shoes, given to Louise for a costume. She turned her nose up at Rescue from Gilligan's Island, but said yes to this?!

If you should wish to wallow in his obscure gem, the movie is free (with infrequent ads) on Tubi in a beautiful print right here. I will leave you, though, with our stars in happier days.

Let's face it. Carradine was always old and always scary (!), but I did find these young-ish portraits. He, of course, also gave the world a set of sons who took up the profession.

Brand was never a pretty-boy, even in the beginning, but he was an effective performer who could play a variety of types in his hey-day.

Ray was a burly, but cuddly, bear with an endearingly raspy speaking voice.

Newmar will always be immortal for her portrayal of Catwoman on Batman and had a body to die for.

Despite her disinterest in it, Louise is also immortal for her role of Ginger Grant, which led to the pop culture question that so many men are asked, "Ginger or Mary Ann?"

This was a special comedown for Ray and Louise. In 1958, they'd costarred in the United Artists release of God's Little Acre together!

Decades before the up and comers (or in most case downers) seen in Evils of the Night, they too had enjoyed their own time rolling in the hay.

That's all folks! Till next time.