"Burnett" Beefcake

There's an unlikely post title for you... While it is an all-time classic comedy-variety program, The Carol Burnett Show is not exactly noted for its beefcake outside of Lyle Waggoner impersonating Olympic swimming champ Mark Spitz or perhaps a slave ship galley sketch. Both of these events have been covered here in the past, naturally...! 

Many of us grew up watching Burnett in reruns with a truncated half-hour rendition of the show (dubbed Carol Burnett & Friends), which removed nearly all of the show's weekly musical numbers along with other sketches. So, unless one caught all the episodes when they first aired, getting a glimpse of the full presentations was a pipe dream unless they were ordered (none too cheaply I may add) through a special TV offer. But as of late, PBS has been running a collection of full, one-hour installments, with all the material intact. (This has certain camp value as well, such as witnessing Ethel Merman try to make her way through "By the Time I Get to Phoenix!" or other nuggets!) When you realize that each of the episodes you've ever seen exist at exactly double the length, that's a lot of long-hidden stuff; some of it lame, some of it amazing and some of it mind-boggling. Today, I'm going to highlight a few instances where unexpected men on display popped up.

This parody of Beach Blanket Bingo (1965) and the like, was riddled with fun li'l swimsuits on the Ernie Flatt Dancers, who help populate many of the show's sketches.

I was born too late to enjoy the times when suits like these were the norm at the pool and beach.

Sadly, the show's guest star Steve Martin (shown here with Burnett as Annette) not only didn't wear an abbreviated pair of swim trunks, but they cruelly covered his chest up with a tank-top, to boot!

Maybe Steve's chest was deemed too hairy. They covered up this hirsute dancer, too.

Dancer Don Crichton, in the orange trunks, seemed to appear in featured bit roles more than any of the other dancers over the years. I love Vicki Lawrence's wig, eyelashes and white lipstick, even if she was trying to make fun.

Tim Conway appears in biker drag, a la Harvey Lembeck.

That's Betty White as his biker chick behind Chastain.

Sometimes when I'm in the right mood, the "real" Beach Party movies are fun to watch, with plenty of clean, tan physiques on display.

The show got a lot of mileage over the years with it's daytime soap opera parody (which notably targeted As the World Turns.) Now this next series of pics could hardly be called "beefcake" but it was too hilarious not to include.

Same guest stars, Betty White and Steve Martin, join Vicki Lawrence and Carol Burnett wait in awe for an alien visitor (based upon Close Encounters of the Third Kind, 1977) to come down from the second story of Burnett's suburban home.

Eerie light and strange music herald the arrival of the alien being.

It's Tim Conway in a hysterical get-up that refuses to hide any figure flaws (though I really didn't realize he was as slim as he looks here! His old man and Mr. Tudball disguises tended to add pounds.)

When Conway finally makes his way down the stairs, his ludicrous costume and makeup have an effect on his costars.

The generally indefatigable White looks like she is right on the verge of losing it here.

 

Even he can hardly keep it together...!

I wouldn't exactly file that last skit under M for Macho, but this song and dance routine came off as one of the gayest things I have seen in a while! A group of men are relaxing after a hard day on the tennis court...

Up comes guest star Ken Berry in, like all the rest, the tiniest shorts imaginable, to sing to them!

As sometimes happens in certain adult videos (so I'm told!), I had trouble at first figuring out whose hand was on whose leg at first! LOL

Hey, at least he has their attention!

The song ("Love Stolen" from The Robber Bridegroom) is all about grabbing an unsuspecting gal, though you'd be lucky to guess that from the look of things here!

Berry, who was straight, prances about with his half-dozen "raqueteers."

Things wind up with him going ass-over-ankles for a towering female who gives him a little of his own medicine.

These next scenes weren't shown on PBS. I found them online later. Here we have Vicki Lawrence in a TV commercial parody. She's about to have a karate lesson and hopes to give her instructor some mouthwash for his staggering bad breath.

The instructor is none other than Mr. Burt Reynolds (who I never even knew appeared on TCBS!), shirtless.

His breath is horrendous, as Lawrence learns when he continually hollers, "Hiii-yah!"

She hands over the mouthwash...

...and he informs her that he uses it every morning.

But as he soon demonstrates by slathering it all over his chest (as the audience squeals), he may not be using it for its intended purpose!

In the same ep, Reynolds stars in one of the show's famous movie parodies. In a take-off on The Scarlet Pimpernel (1934), he essays the role of Charles de Gay in "The Lavender Pimpernel!"

Burt appears dwarfed by costar Lyle Waggoner here.

With his shirt open to the waist (a 1970s staple in any case!), he tosses himself into the part, both through his mincing performance as well as his former stuntman physicality.

This was just before Deliverance (1972) opened. After that movie's stunning success, you would be less likely to see Reynolds doing guest appearances like this.

At one point, after confusion over his beauty mark, he has the distinction of cracking Burnett up, something it was tougher to do than to, say, Harvey Korman, who often had trouble keeping his composure in all the absurdity.

In the same ep, Nanette Fabray appears in another ad parody, this one for a sleep remedy.

Turns out she puts hubby Harvey Korman to bed (immediately!) because she's got Lyle Waggoner stashed behind the bedroom drapes. The quality of pics from this episode is poorer because it was from an online version rather than a restored TV broadcast.

We wrap up with another sketch featuring "As the Stomach Turns" and Mr. Waggoner.

He plays a timid man scared to death of women. Burnett, naturally, tries to cure him of this, but isn't having much luck. Eventually, she sends him upstairs for a shower...

...but he's soon on the scene again in a teensy towel.

In the meantime, a saucy acquaintance of hers has shown up.

The gal (Valerie Harper) seems to be just the thing to melt Waggoner's female fears.

Burnett has had about enough of this development and gives Waggoner some tea!

(There really was some - cold? - water in that pot!)

While I generally go in for a brawnier type, I nonetheless always appreciate the sight of Lyle's fit & trim physique.

The next time we see Waggoner, he's confronted with the sight of his mother (Harvey Korman in his Mother Marcus drag!)

These sketches always ended with a series of unanswered questions, which promised (in vain) to be answered on the next day's episode of "ATST."

The End!