11th Anniversary "Celeb"ration! 5 & 6

Somehow or another I've already messed up the chronological trajectory of these various celebrity encounters. You see, it's not like I have a chart or anything about them. I have to refer to old e-mails, photos and things in order to try to piece them together. So this one actually took place prior to the Richard Simmons extravaganza...! Picture it, July 11th, 2001. Close to a decade after The Golden Girls, Miss Bea Arthur has been trying out various permutations of a one-woman show. First called "An Evening with Bea Arthur," it soon morphs into "And Then There's Bea," a play on the theme song from her hit 1970s sitcom Maude. Having begun to tour in April, the show has now made its way to Cincinnati, Ohio where an eager audience awaits. 

Iconic as Maude.

I, along with two close friends who also adored her, made certain I obtained great tickets for opening night. As it was, we weren't 30 feet away from her as she alighted onto our local stage for a night of stories and songs. The place was packed as she performed a variety of favorite songs and relayed little stories with composer Billy Goldenberg at the piano. She also had a boot on one foot because at a prior stop on the tour, Minneapolis if it matters, she'd walked into the orchestra pit! 

Unforgettable as Dorothy Zbornak.

Afterwards, my friend Lisa, who was highly familiar with the venue, helped determine which door she would be most likely to exit from (and it wasn't the one with a big blue awning that said "Stage Door!" It was way in the back near a rat-ridden alley. Sure enough, that's where she came out, probably a bit startled to find three diehard fans waiting for her in the dingy dark. Not even taking time to be shy, I strode right up to her and began blathering on and on about how big a fan I'd always been and how her work had changed my life and so on...!

In "You're Gonna Love Tomorrow."

As it happened, I was actually appearing in a Sondheim musical revue at the smallest of the three theater spaces in that venue as was Lisa and my third friend Joe was the director of it. This date was our only chance to see Ms. Arthur. To our utter astonishment, she had read a review of our show in the local paper and expressed how she had wanted to come, but her own show overlapped our completely. (Can you imagine?! I'd have died.) 

She couldn't have been kinder, gentler, more humble or more pleasant to chat with. Lisa somehow got up the gumption to ask her to join us for dinner at a nearby establishment with a heavy gay clientele who would have probably swamped her. She said, "Do they know I'm here?" I said, "Of course! We've all seen your commercial!" (Said commercial had her lying on a piano and as the camera panned up from her legs, she said, "Who were you expecting? Michelle Pfeiffer?") She declined, citing the need to elevate her foot from the Minneapolis mishap as well as tend to a cold she'd picked up. Before we left, I began to ask her about songs she hadn't sung, including "Hard Hearted Hannah" and, inexplicably, "The Man in the Moon" from her legendary performance in "Mame." She agreed to put that one in the show asap! She eventually took the show to Broadway where is was known as "Bea Arthur on Broadway: Just Between Friends" and was nominated for a Tony in the Special Event category. (She was bested by "Elaine Stritch at Liberty." This was the year that she accepted the award instead of the producers and was cut off by the orchestra, creating a bit of a tempest in a teapot!)

She kept indicating poor Billy Goldenberg who, at the time, I didn't know from a hole in the wall! I might have expected my cohorts to, but they didn't either. He wound up serving as our photographer for the night!! Our picture was a little ghastly because I wasn't expecting her to lean in for a very snug hug (not that I didn't welcome it!) Not too long afterwards, I found myself singing five of Mr. Goldenberg's songs in the show "Ballroom" and dearly wished that I'd have demonstrated a little more appreciation towards him. But he had to know that most people there were on-hand to see Bea.

In shimmering blue sport coat singing the songs of Billy Goldenberg for "Ballroom." (Not, however, the most famous tune from the show, "Fifty Percent!")

As the new millennium dawned, I was beginning to finally trip across one celebrity or another about once a year, it seemed. Out here in what I sometimes affectionately refer to as the armpit of America, you sometimes have to really dig to find a star around... Yes, in the early-1990s I'd once caught a glimpse of the back half of Billy Ray Cyrus' mullet during a CD signing at a grocery superstore (truth!) and my best friend and I had later been caught polka-ing at the annual and notably famous Oktoberfest Zinzinnati by that year's honorary leader of the chicken dance, Cheers' George Wendt (who put my bestie Deana on his lap and exclaimed that he'd never in his life seen two people have more fun on a dance floor than us!) But generally stars were few and far between in these here parts. And the breadth of quality among them was quite fitting for the city which happened to give the world both Roy Rogers and Charles Manson!

We happen to have a very well-respected zoo here and each December the place is heavily festooned with countless colorful bulbs (originally the wondrously glowing variety, but in more recent times the cooler, dimmer, but more cost-efficient and colorful, LED ones.) Dubbed the Festival of Lights, the zoo and botanical gardens become a winter wonderland, attracting hordes of visitors who want to see Santa or the reindeer or the penguins, among other things. (Hometown names like Drew and Nick Lachey have helped light the tree on various occasions and also help draw a crowd.)

I worked at this event for many years, first as a costumed character like Rudolph or Frosty or an enigmatic penguin, then later (when I felt too old or too fat to stuff myself into a fuzzy costume!) as a handler. Handlers accompany the costumed figures out into the ducky melee and help ward off ankle-biters, shin-kickers or naughty teens who want to shove or throw a punch! Ha ha! In fact, this is me as the penguin on local TV, hamming it up and trying to grab focus from the on-air talent. The joke was on me, though. In my haste to get dressed and run up the hill to be certain of winning a spot on Channel 64, I accidentally donned the penguin head with the panda bear body! (And was duly chastised by the event organizer afterwards.) Thereafter, I referred to this creation as a "Dr. Moreau." So often, oddly enough, the moms took the pictures while the dads snuggled in with the kid/kids.  This afforded me countless opportunities to throw my arms around a big, sweet, handsome father, who, otherwise might have crossed the street to avoid me!  They were always very "hands on" with the stuffed characters as they somehow must have a non-threatening, asexual quality which allows these yummy husbands and fathers to "cheat" right in front of their wives! (Naturally, if the dad was repellent or unattractive, I'd just stand there and wave......no hugging!) 

Once, while parading around as Frosty and doing the usual goofy dances and waves and snuggling with the (surprisingly) adorable kids who were touring the zoo, a father and daughter came up to me and, though the little girl was precious with long curly hair and a little pink coat and seemed interested in me, she was sort of wary.  I reached out gently to her, but it became clear that she just wasn't going to be able to deal with me alone.  So her dad (who fell into the "cute" category) decided to pick her up and bring her over to me.  He seemed rather familiar to me, but I couldn't place him.  He was in a long black coat and had one of those black head and ear wraps on so that it was difficult to see anything except his face.  One thing that stood out was his pair of very bright grey eyes.  I just figured I had seen him someplace before, but just didn't know where.  He got in next to me and (of course) I draped my arm on his shoulder and cozied up to him for the picture.  The shot didn't work right so we repeated this (with me even closer this time and going for a full embrace!)  Then my escort was talking to a lady with red earmuffs and long brown hair.  She said to the lady, "I'm such a fan!"  

As the couple reunited and began to walk away, the husband turned back and looked at me (as Frosty) with the most odd expression.  He stared at me as if he could see right through the mammoth head and gave me a big smile.  It was at that precise moment that the escort grabbed my arm and nearly pulled it out of its socket.  "Do you know who that was?", she yelped.  "Vince Gill and Amy Grant!"  Of course!  That's who it was!  They are in town for a Christmas show.  I have to say......I have never, even for a second, thought that Vince was attractive.  I don't know why.  He was just sort of there... (And to this day I couldn't name a single song of his.) But in person, he was very charming and handsome and exceedingly normal and without ANY celebrity affectations or pretentions.  He was genuine and friendly and totally average in his behavior, which was a good thing.  I briefly enjoyed Amy's crossover period from Christian to Pop, but as a fellow vocalist, I was always critical of her almost total lack of enunciation. ("Vavvy, vavvy.." Ha ha!)

That's the actual costume I was wearing, though this is not a picture of me in it. I gave Mr. Gill two thumbs up for his gentle, gracious demeanor and willingness to wait like anyone else for a photo op with Frosty. (Not to mention his refusal to be offended by my pawing! LOL)

I just couldn't believe it.  Somewhere in Tennessee, Amy Grant has a family photo album (embla- zoned in gold - "My Grown Up Christmas List Book") that will house a photo with her daughter and Vince and ME in it!!!!!   You just don't expect to have VINCE GILL wander up to you at the Cincinnati Zoo and ask if he can have his picture taken with you! I kept yammering about that back in the dressing area....about how Vince Gill asked if HE could have his picture taken with ME. They said, "Yeah... but what would have happened if you hadn't had your Frosty head on" to which I replied, "Then he would have wanted my autograph as well!"